Did our Irish ancestors ever foresee the day when people thousands of miles away would toast their traditions, chug a pitcher of dyed beer, and then head to breakfast? Probably not. But we’d like to think that Dallas’ balls-out green celebration would make ’em proud anyway. And why wouldn’t it? Each year the Dallas St. Patrick’s Parade and Festival treks down two miles of Greenville Avenue, from Blackwell Street to Yale Boulevard, with somewhere in the neighborhood of 90 floats in tow, each flinging approximately 7 million strands of green necklaces. Parade-goers can expect plenty of green-hued dogs; kilts; and reasons to cover their children’s eyes during the main event. Following that, the 21-and-up Dallas Observer St. Patrick’s Day Concert at Energy Square, 4925 Greenville Ave., is THE place to show off all those beads, drink some beers and pump fists nostalgically to headliner Third Eye Blind. The parade kicks off at 11 a.m. Saturday; gates to the concert open immediately afterward. General admission tickets to the concert are $15 at ticketfly.com; admission to the parade is free. Jennifer Davis-Lamm
We’ve all been there. We spend hours upon hours on YouTube watching makeup tutorials to learn how to contour our faces into something completely different. And then to really make a mess, we head to Sephora or Ulta or the makeup counters in Neiman Marcus and tell the nice women with perfect red lips that we want to look like them and to achieve that, we will buy whatever they recommend. We’re beauty-obsessed, always trying to look more and more like Kim Kardashian (kind of, just go with it). If this is you (don’t deny that it probably is), then you’re in luck, because Beautycon is coming to Centennial Hall (901 Washington St.) on Saturday. There will be panel discussions, meet-ups and all your favorite beauty brands. Think NYX, Maybelline and more. General admission tickets are $40. For more information, head to beautycon.com. Paige Skinner
This weekend you won’t have to jump into your time machine to take on a massive room full of gaming challenges, thanks to the annual Texas Pinball Festival, which returns to Embassy Suites Hotel and Convention Center (7600 John Q. Hammons Drive, Frisco) Friday through Sunday. Pinball collectors and vendors from all over the state and country will provide more than 400 new and classic pinball machines and set them all to free play. The three-day showcase will also feature pinball tournaments, special appearances by legendary pinball designers and a chance to be part of another world-record attempt for the “Most People Playing Pinball Simultaneously.” Attendees can purchase passes at the door for $25 on Friday, $35 on Saturday and $20 on Sunday — or get a weekend pass for $60. Children aged 5-12 can get in for $15 on Friday, $25 on Saturday, $10 on Sunday or $35 for a weekend pass. Visit texaspinball.com for more. Danny Gallagher
Crawfish. Crayfish. Mudbugs. Bro-roaches. Whatever you want to call them, there will be approximately 4,000 pounds of the little buggers at the fourth annual Mudbug Bash. In addition to plenty of crustacean-cracking goodness, there will also be live music and ice-cold beer. General admission tickets are $15 each, and crawfish can either be purchased on-site or in advance. It happens from 4-10 p.m. Saturday at Main Street Garden, 1920 Main St. Kathryn Debruler
Looking for something to do this weekend that does not involve kissing people because of their national heritage, finding pots of gold or eating green food dye? The guys over at Dallas by Chocolate Food Tours have arranged an evening of chocolate, pizza and jazz. The night will kick off at Two Corks and a Bottle with plenty of wine, pizza and a cheese board. The tour will then disperse to area chocolate shops including Kate Weiser Chocolate and Dude, Sweet Chocolate. The evening will wind down with a little live jazz and that triumphant feeling that comes from having spent four and a half green-beer-free hours. The cost is $59 per person. It happens from 5:30-10 p.m. Thursday. KD
If you want to squeeze in something green on this festive day, try the Luck-O-the-Doddy burger at Hopdoddy. It's a burger patty topped with Kennebec fries, green beer cheese, standard veggie fixins and "sassy sauce" and served on a green egg bun. Our food editor Beth Rankin has assembled an entire list of things to eat on St. Patrick's Day and we're not counting beer as a food.
A new caffeinated option is popping up in Dallas: a tea-like drink made up of something that used to be considered an unwanted byproduct of the coffee-producing process. Cascara comes from the same tree as coffee beans but is much closer to a tea than coffee — in fact, it is just like a tea, except instead of using tea leaves this drink is made with the skin of the coffee cherry. Order at Davis Street Espresso, 819 W. Davis St., davisstreetespresso.com. Liz Goulding
Learn how to blow your own beer glass at St. Patrick's Day: Hot Glass, Cold Brew. Each participant will work with one of Vetro Glassblowing Studio's (701 S. Main St., Grapevine) artisans to create their very own drinking vessel. Barring that it doesn't have any holes and you still have both your hands after all is said and done, you will then be able to use said vessel to partake in two complimentary beers. The cost is $85 per person and registration is required. Join in on the fun from 2-7 p.m. Friday or 12-7 p.m. Saturday. KD
Ever since the mid-1600s, when the Irish Catholic Confederation adopted the green harp flag, Ireland has been associated with the color green. Fast forward to modern, culturally appropriating America, where people, regardless of national heritage, don green bikinis and clover-shaped sunglasses and get hammered on green beer. This weekend, Henderson Tap House is the place to take your suddenly verdant self. On Friday there will be a green bikini contest and on Saturday doors open at 7 a.m. for the Kegs & Eggs breakfast. The breakfast will feature blood alcohol level-easing entrées like green eggs and ham, and corned beef and cabbage. The breakfast includes an entrée, bloody marys and mimosas for $40 per person. KD
Experimental artist Matthew Barney recently released his latest 5.5 hour epic, River of Fundament, and thanks to the partnership between Texas Theatre and Nasher Sculpture Center, Dallas gets a chance to see it this weekend. There are two shows only from 2- 8 p.m. Saturday and 2-8 p.m. Sunday. Following the screening Sunday, stick around for the What Is Cinema? podcast's episode 2 release. Tickets are $10.
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The second season of Knife’s Sunday Cinema Series will kick off this Sunday with a screening of Bottle Rocket, Wes Anderson's directorial debut. If many scenes look familiar, it's because they are: Much of the movie was shot in North Texas. Enjoy gourmet snacks and beers from Four Corners Brewing Company while you watch the Wilson brothers make a quick escape from Hinckley Cold Storage building on Commerce Street at 7:30 p.m. Sunday. Tickets are $35, with $10 of each ticket sold going to support the Dallas Film Society. KD
You don't have any plans 7:30 p.m. Saturday? False. You do have plans. You'll go see Rainn Wilson at the DMA's continuation of Arts & Letters Live. Rainn Wilson: Quirks, Comedy and Creativity takes a dive into his memoir, The Bassoon King: My Life in Art, Faith, and Idiocy, as well as his hit philosophical quest SoulPancake.com. This evening is likely to contain much more than bears, beets and Battlestar Galactica as he goes through his journey to stardom through his own weirdom. While you may not be able to handle his undivided attention, it's worth a chance to hear the dark and creative mind of Rainn Wilson on the big questions about his own quirks, comedy and creative mind. More at dma.org. Lucas Buckels
For anyone who can't make it to Austin for South by Southwest this weekend, the brilliant minds behind Parade of Flesh have pulled together Spillover Fest, which features all the bands traveling through Dallas on their way to or away from the capital. Hear Anamanaguchi, the Orwells, Yuck, White Lung, Porches and more. There are concerts all weekend in various venues in Deep Ellum. Passes start at $20.
Uh, Third Eye Blind, ever heard of 'em? This classic '90s band plays the annual St. Patrick's Day Concert put on by your friends at the Dallas Observer, ever heard of 'em? Get there at noon and stick around all afternoon.