Every two years your liver's reputation is offered rebirth. During the Olympics your usual drunken bar crawls are not seen as debaucherous meanderings, instead they're proof of your patriotism. Be the best American you can: Charge a giant bar tab, eat a bunch of fattening food and watch the world's greatest athletes compete on the most televisions possible.
We want to help you achieve this honorable goal, so we did a scouting mission (belch) and found the ten best places to watch the Olympics in Dallas.
1.) The Owner's Box -- The swankest place in Dallas to cheer on our team is inside the Omni Hotel. Boasting 72 televisions -- including screens in the bathrooms so you don't miss the pivotal, unexpected moments -- The Owner's Box has nooks throughout, a patio and bar area all surrounded by Olympic coverage. The best part? You can participate in the ultimate American event: celebrity sighting/photobombing. You never know who's about to pony up next to you. They've got specials: Bangers and Mash paired with Guinness is $15, and flights of Sam Adam's and Boston Lager will run you $8.
2.) The Londoner -- While all of the Londoner locations will be showing the games, whether or not they'll open extra early for them will be on a location-by-location basis. Uptown's pub promised us they'll be ready to drink at any hour of the day if Great Britain is playing football. Since most of the crap NBC coverage is on delay, this won't effect too much. But if you're looking for a place to get lunchtime soccer schnockered, this is it.
3.) The Nodding Donkey in Uptown -- Not your traditional uptown bar, this neighborhood hang is celebrating, Donkey style. They've got a red white and blue layered frozen cocktail so you can show your patriotism and feel like you're on vacation. (It doesn't have a name yet, so feel free to give 'em your ideas. They cost $5.) Also, every time America wins a gold medal, you'll get a draft beer and Bacardi shot combo for $3! USA! USA! USA! (Television count: 20)
4.) Top Golf -- They just got two beautiful new 32" televisions installed in each of Top Golf's 72 bays. They aren't fully functional yet but soon you'll have complete immersion. Until those 144 are operational, you can catch the coverage on TG's 15 existing screens.
5.) Frankie's Sports Bar -- This place boasts 86 TVs, with two projection systems, plasma screens on the patios and -- wait for it -- The Bar Olympics. Register now for this weekend's events: Competitive eating, intense bar sport play-offs, prizes and beer specials. Because really, competitive eating is the best Olympic sport that never was. 6.) Old Monk -- This pub isn't a recommend because it has an intense showing of big screens -- they've got two inside and two out, plus one tucked away projector -- it's on this list because it's a great local bar filled with a spectacular beer selection and lots of great people. They'll be showing the games from start to finish and might even pull down the projector screen as the closing events draw nearer. (Happy hour gets you $1 off drafts from 4 to 7 p.m. Monday through Thursday and 3 to 7 p.m. on Friday)
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7.) Lakewood Landing -- Yeah, it isn't a sports bar, it's better: It's the bar you go to when your fridge is out of beer. It's that comfortable. Lakewood Landing is unpretentious, reasonably priced, and is showing the Olympics because it loves Uhmerica.
8.) Trinity Hall Dallas -- Multiple generations of sports fans pack into this pub for big games, so you'll be in great company -- even if you're going solo. They've got four televisions, but keep extra flat screens around for exceptionally big games. Wear a watch in Trinity Hall, you could easily lose hours here. That's partially the 200-plus types of whiskey's doing, but the instant camaraderie that comes from cheering next to strangers tends to lead to pint buying and the "new friendship hangover."
9.) The Foundry -- Any excuse to hang in this sweaty oasis is a good one, the fact that they're showing non-stop Olympic coverage with $1 off drafts from 4 to 7 p.m. each day just makes the decision easier.
10.) The Idle Rich -- They've got all five televisions screening the event, and plenty of delicious fried food to help sop up your spectacularly drunken and suddenly super pro-American spirits.