Joanna Gaines is everywhere. But that's not enough. First, there was the renovation business, then the HGTV show, then the store in Waco, then the book, then a Waco restaurant. But now, she's gone too far. She's invaded the one thing we thought was safe — Pier 1 Imports.
Below are fictional stories about how these Pier 1 products came to be.
Apple Buckets Set for $100
"Chip, the apples can't sit in a plastic bag from the grocery store in the fridge," Joanna said to her lovable and goofy husband.
"You're right," he responded. He goes out to the barn and gets the buckets they use for milking their cows.
"These are perfect," Joanna said. "Let's mass produce them and sell them for two for $100."
Magnolia Home Letterbox Wall Station for $60
The checks were piling up in the Gaines home. The mailman was over so often, Chip began to wonder which kids were his. One check from the book sales. Another from the Waco restaurant. One from a private Waco donor who just loved them.
"I need a place to put all these checks," Joanna said, defeated, to her long-haired husband.
"What if we had a wall-mounted letterbox station where we could put our checks and our books we wrote and the magazines we're on the cover of?" Chip asked.
Black Spindle Back Chair for $190
"I'll take it," Joanna said to the original owner at a garage sale. She couldn't believe the price. Only $7 for a chair Joanna deemed priceless. She rushed home to show her handyman husband, Chip.
"I cannot believe that sucker sold this to me for only $7," she said, beaming.
"What an idiot," Chip said in his goofy way. "I'll make you the same chair, but you can sell it for $190 at Pier 1."
"Brilliant," she said. "Simply brilliant."
Mikey Turquoise Rug starting at $100
Joanna's renovation clients were growing tired of her usual tricks. Everyone in the country knew she would plaster shiplap on the walls. White walls, white couches and silver apple buckets — the people wanted color, and Joanna knew that.
"I'll make you a deal," she said to her client. "Let me put white shiplap on the walls, and I'll give you a giant turquoise rug to make you feel like you're living in a permanent beach house." Done and done. Finally, everyone was happy.
Lexi Blue & Ivory Pillow for $90
Joanna wanted to feel something. Every day was the same. Work, work, work, kids, Chip, work. When she went home and lay on the couch, she knew she wanted it to be a different experience.
"What if these pillows had texture," she said under her breath.
"I completely agree," Chip responded. Joanna was sure she said it quietly, but she knew Chip heard it for a reason. It was meant to be. "I only want textured pillows from now on. Out with comfort and in with this."
Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.