There's two kinds of folks in this world: Those who like to throw a Super Bowl house party, and those who don't trust their friends to get wasted anywhere near the new sofa, children and/or dear family pets.
For those with rowdy pals, you're in luck -- Dallas is nothing if not generous with its boozy, liquor-y football offerings. The city's finest bars are ready for you, and most have fortified their menus with drink specials so you'll cheer all the louder. And remember, whether you pick Beyoncé or Puppy Bowl for halftime, everyone wins.
The Granada -- Our favorite party spot will slather on the warpaint and flip the coverage from music to football, then back to music, and again with football. They'll have delicious brisket tacos, nice low-lighting, extra seating, bars full of opportunities, and most importantly: Beyoncé's halftime show, blown up on Granada's 40 foot theater screen. Dance party, anyone? Hold up, it gets better: this party is free to attend. Doors are at 4:30.
The Owner's box -- If you read the Observer, you probably can't afford this spot. Cheapskates will race for free seats on the patio while the well-heeled reserve tables inside. The luxury of indoor dining, far away from the stench of the poor, will cost $50 to $100 apiece. There are also themed menus, which are most likely delicious. But if your favorite Super Bowl food is Rotel and Velveeta, then all this flossin' don't mean a thing.
Bryan Street Tavern -- No matter which team you support, BST's dedicated bartending staff has a shot appropriate to your loyalties. They won't specify what's in 'em (they're vodka-based secret recipes that we're told "taste great"), but they come in both a 49ers and a Ravens model. To help sop it up, you'll find specials on buffalo chicken sliders, chicken flautas and quesadillas. Drink specials? Sure, you'll get a dollar off drafts and wells. If you'd rather take the high rode, Bryan Street's pulling out growlers of Batch 19, a prohibition era brew, and selling them for $19 a pop. Visit bryanstreettavern.com.
Katy Trail Ice House -- This beer garden isn't into the gimmicks. According to KTIH staffers, this will be a "come as you are and have a big ol' party" type of watching event. So if you're into great times, big patios and place you and your dog can root together, give this a try. Currently, there are no drink specials to mention.
Lee Harvey's -- They're pulling out the projector for Super Bowl Sunday and tossing a plastic housing over the back porch so you'll be protected from the elements. But most importantly, Sunday is off-leash dog day at this South Dallas hold-out, so the gate will be closed and you can watch your fur child do some tackling of his own. Nodding Donkey in Uptown -- This and Frankie's are both offering all-you-can-consume deals for Super Drunk Puke Bowl 2013, so you know, be careful. At the Uptown Donkey location, $108.25 (includes tax), gets you both a lunch and dinner buffet, unlimited chips and salsa and -- dear God -- all you can drink. That donkey's gonna nod so hard, y'all. There will also be a strongman competition (Everyone will feel SO STRONG!) and table football. The upside of this potential crime scene is that $10 of each ticket purchased will go to the Make-A-Wish Foundation. My wish is that nobody at the Nodding Donkey vomits on their waitress. This party starts at 2 and runs until, omigod, 10 p.m. Buy your ticket in person, in advance.
Frankie's sports bar, Uptown -- Truly competitive types will accept Frankie's Sports Bar's challenge. Warning: it's not for the weak at heart or stomach. For one glorious Super Bowl Sunday, $50 buys you everything in the kitchen. Yes! This Uptown sports bar has the most pocket-friendly deal we've found. For fifty dollars you get all-you-can-eat menu items for the duration of the game, SIX drink tickets, a goodie bag from their beer and liquor vendors and raffle tickets for prizes issued after each quarter. Call now to save a seat, 214-999-8932 and visit frankiesbar.com.
49ers Fans San Francisco Rose -- Billed as Dallas' Oldest Sports Bar, this Greenville Avenue shrine to duct tape and pigskin has stayed put since 1977. True to its name, this is THE place for die hard San Francisco fans to cheer on their boys. It's also a great place for poor people, so artists, college students and journalists should listen up: Beginning at 4 p.m. on Sunday and running until the game's end, you'll get $1 Bud Light draft beers and a FREE NACHO STATION. That is cheaper than drinking at home, and there's a dog-friendly patio -- so who's winning the Super Bowl? You are, dude. You are. There's shot specials, $4 wells and access to the Rose's foosball, pool and beer pong tables. (If you see me passed out underneath one of those tables, please kick me until I wake up. Much obliged.)
Addison Point -- The staff is unclear exactly how Addison Point became a 49ers bar, there is some folklore regarding an employees' sibling and an internet hoax, but however the seed was planted, this is now where they gather. And man, they take up the whole place. It'll be a cheap spot to hunker down -- that is, if you care to try for a seat. Normal season games turn into standing room only events, so throw in a possible Super Bowl title, $3 wells and $2.75 domestic pints and you've got the hottest San Francisco cheering squad in Addison.
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Ravens Fans Either y'all operate on the element of surprise or you've been kicked out of every bar you've ever had a meet-up in, because no watering hole in Dallas claims to be your booze den mother. (Although, BlackFinn in Addison said a few of you HAVE started coming in this season.) That's okay, we have a few ideas for where you should all get together.
Reno's Chop Shop -- I don't think any sports team has called dibs on Reno's as their home base, which is CRAZY. The last time I swung by this Deep Ellum gem, I met a group of bikers as they removed their friend's tooth by tying it to the back of a motorcycle and then peeling out. You don't get more full-contact realness than that. Suck it, Uptown.
Medieval Times is giving half-priced admission to anyone bringing non-perishables for its food drive this Sunday. Do they have televisions at Medieval Times? Probably not. Do they have falcons? YES.
Our friend Tim Rogers of D Magazine is having a house party, and you're all invited. We're told he's gone to great lengths to bring party subs back into fashion, so just pop by and dive face first into the 25' cold cut combo he ordered three weeks in advance. We seem to have misplaced our invite, so be a doll and post his address in the comments.