I can't imagine that life has been easy forWhiplash, the dog-riding monkey
. He travels the rodeo circuit with his manager, which seems like a lonely life. And I suspect he blows his stipends on bananas and alcohol, as monkeys who ride dogs are prone to do. Also, he's from Miami -- a terrible place with a surprisingly large monkey population.
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Whiplash is currently performing at the Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo, so I called to check in on him. I asked, because I'm a reporter, if we could do a hard-hitting investigative story: photographing the teeny tiny rodeo outfits that hang in his little monkey closet. Brace yourself, for what I'm about to say will likely upset you.
Whiplash, the dog-riding monkey, has only one miniature rodeo outfit.
That's unacceptable, Dallas. We're a city that contracts Spain's biggest architect when we want to build a bridge; certainly we can make some clothes for this charming cowboy monkey who's fallen on hard times. And let's not limit ourselves to rodeo apparel, he probably needs tiny sweatpants for lounging and icing down his little monkey legs.
He's at the Fort Worth Stock Show and Rodeo until February 9, which doesn't leave much time to sew and hand deliver your small monkey outfits. But I'm certain that you can do it. And before you donate your hard work, take a photo and email it to me so I can sleep better. And finally, please model at least one after Big Tex, because that would be adorable.