Will You Survive The Purge: Breakout Alive? (Of Course You Will. It's Not Real, Stupid.)

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Horror movies are so not-horrifying because generally the idiots who get speared in the skull or chainsawed by a masked loon generally don't have the wits to survive a weekend getaway. If you sent these dolts to a lavish weekend at the Mirabeau Inn in Skaneateles, New York, they would find a way to strangle themselves with a seaweed wrap or impale themselves with a MiniPro massager.

To be fair, fighting for your life from the hands of a bloodthirsty monster is a stressful situation, and if you're an idiot, you don't have much of a chance. It takes a special kind of wit to understand that an unstoppable killing machine can't be killed by conventional methods as long as there is a chance for a sequel. Sometimes it's just best to escape and hope that the problem goes away due to a lack of favorable box office returns. A new promotional experience for the movie The Purge: Anarchy coming to town this week will show you how to do just that. Escape, we mean.

The Purge: Breakout is a weird mix between a haunted house, a graphic adventure video game and Glenn Beck's twisted vision of the future if another Democrat is elected president. Just like the Room Escape Adventures, a group of strangers are thrown in a dismal setting and have to find the tools and clues they need to escape before a psychopath uses them to quench his raging murder boner. The experience will be in Dallas from Thursday through Sunday in a parking lot at 2001 N. Griffin St. but unfortunately, it's already sold out on all four nights. I'm not disappointed because I already have an insane spa trip booked in Lake Tahoe that weekend. You, however, might want to turn to a scalper. Just take care you get the right kind.

Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.

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Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.


Join the Observer community and help support independent local journalism in Dallas.