This is a story about a boat race, so let's talk about baseball. First off, an admission for all you baseball fans: We're stupid. All those subtleties and chess-like strategies, the Zen-like purity of the game? Don't see it, never did. On our fun-o-meter, watching a baseball game ranks somewhere below listening to new age music. Look, if we wanted to spend hours viewing men scratching their testicles and spitting, we'd get a job on a road construction crew. Regardless, whenever a chance comes to go to The Ballpark, we jump at it. Why? We love the cheering crowds, the fresh air, the green grass, the cheesy music, the hot dogs and beer. Especially the hot dogs and beer. The game itself is just a distraction from a nice afternoon in the sun. So why do we find this weekend's Volvo Leukemia Cup Regatta on Lake Lewisville appealing? "It's kind of like watching a baseball game," says Pam Hancock, co-chairwoman of the regatta. "You see a lot of strategy and technique." Obviously, we weren't sold. C'mon, we prodded Hancock, don't people really go in hopes of seeing a crash, like at a stock car race? "You really don't hope for a hole in the boat," Hancock corrected. Besides, these craft take a couple of hours to complete a two-to-three-mile course. Still, the regatta sounds like a pleasant way to spend a weekend, even for non-sailors. Hancock says spectators can spread a blanket on the grass at the Dallas Corinthian Yacht Club on the northeast side of the lake and enjoy the sight of boats whipping along under sail--well, maybe not whipping, but at least moving. So go. Have a peaceful picnic on the lake. Take in the air and cheer on the yachtsmen and women, if not for their subtle strategies, then for the fact that they hope to raise $100,000 for the North Texas Chapter of The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society, which supports cancer research. Maybe we'll be there, munching on a yacht dog. They do have yacht dogs, don't they? For more information, directions or to register for the race, call 972-985-4709 or visitwww.dcyc.org. --Patrick Williams

Rangers Come Home

Although not licensed soothsayers, allow us to present a look into our local (and near) future. It is Tuesday. After a shellacking from the mighty New York Yankees, our Rangers limp home and open a three-game series with the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Our Rangers are still in last place. Likewise, the Devil Rays dwell in their respective cellar. Loyal fans bemoan the state of Dallas team-based competition as the Stars' wound is still fresh, the Mavs are outmatched and all there is to look forward to at The Ballpark is some fine Triple A baseball. Nevertheless, The Ballpark in Arlington is still located at 1000 Ballpark Way. Call 817-273-5222 for ticket info...although a stroll to the box office suffices. --Matt Hursh

Stretch the Truth

It's important to stretch before exercising, so we present this warm-up, the Fishing Fib Stretch. Hold your hands in front of you, palms facing each other. Move your hands as far away from each other as possible while chanting, "It was THIS big!" Studious repetition of this exercise will prepare you for the Ninth Annual Fishing Derby. The event is open to fibbers of all ages with prizes awarded for the first and biggest fish caught in both the youth and adult divisions from 7 a.m. to 10 a.m. at Ablon Park, 3850 Ablon Trail Drive, Garland. Two specially tagged fish are worth $100 each. $5 pre-registration, $7 on-site with a two-pole limit. Call 972-205-2771. --Michelle Martinez

Trail Mix

Last chance to get some outdoor exercise before the horrendous heat hits. Couldn't care less? Even if you'd rather watch the tube and eat junk food, think about poor Fido. All the other dogs are out having fun, strolling and jogging with their owners down the Katy Trail while he's forced to watch you munch the Chee-tos you refuse to share. That's so uncool. Thursday's Fifth Annual Katy 5K Run starts at 6:30 p.m., beginning and ending in Reverchon Park, 3505 Maple Ave. Advance registration is $20, or $25 Thursday. Dogs run free if an owner participates. Felines not invited. Call 214-303-1180 or check out www.katytraildallas.org. --Cheryl Smith

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