Best Hot Co-Eds Swallowing Creamy Whiteness


Tasti D-Lite
If the frozen treats at Tasti-D-Lite weren't so damned tasty—and, supposedly, better for you than regular ice cream—we'd feel even dirtier enjoying them. Imported from the Northeast, where Tasti-D-Lite's special blend of frozen yogurt attracts customers even on the coldest of winter days, the Dallas franchise of Tasti-D-Lite, located near the SMU campus, is the perfect setting for soft-core visions of soft-serve. Tanned, leggy co-eds stream in and out of Tasti-D, carrying delicious dripping cones of vanilla cream in hand, softly licking each sweet bite with the tips of their delicate tongues. There are actually 100 other flavors on rotation, like graham cracker and banana and Snickers, but there's really nothing more soothing than watching a psych major suck on a sprinkle-laden dollop of 'nilla.
Jazz gets better and better in Dallas all the time, with a number of new clubs springing up and Brooklyn Café on South Lamar Street holding down the fort. But there's still nothing quite like Tuesday nights at Gezellig. The club always puts a good trio onstage on Tuesdays, but half the fun is from other Dallas musicians who just drop in to jam. Gezellig does jazz about half the time and other pre-1970s music—old-school R&B, funk, soul—the rest of the time.It's a small club with a nice, tight feel.
Brooklyn Jazz Cafe
With its exposed brick walls, copper-topped bar and tasteful tables, Brooklyn is exactly what a jazz club should be (except it's not smoky; smoking is only allowed on the patio). This is the kind of spot to which you amble without even knowing who's on the bill. You just walk in, order your glass of wine or your Dewar's and soak up jazz of all kinds—psychedelic, guitar-based jazz (Montrose); silky vocals (Martha Burkes, KarenJ); brass-intensive (Freddie Jones Jazz Group); and everything in between. There's also a full menu, wi-fi and even a game night, so you can get your chess on while you take in the tunes.
OK, this category is about as competitive as a Shreveport spelling bee, but we do have to give our stumbling young GM a fair amount of props for claiming the former Dodgers great off the scrap heap. Given up for dead after missing nearly two seasons with an assortment of career-threatening injuries, Eric Gagne reclaimed his spot as one of baseball's best relievers in a great comeback season for the Texas Rangers. With the up and down pitching of Kevin Millwood and streaky hitting of Michael Young, Gagne was the team's most reliable player for a good chunk of the year. For a team with rail-thin confidence, Gagne's ability to close out close games was a huge boon to the team's psyche; there were many games where a blown save could have sent the Rangers reeling to a truly ignominious season—instead of a plain old disappointing one.
Ship's Lounge
Considering all the people who have been thrown out of this joint for cussin' or violating the dress code, they ought to call it Tight Ship's Lounge, 'cause they certainly run one. But dammit if they don't have a magnificent jukebox full of country and R&B classics, with names like Marty Robbins, Lightnin' Hopkins, Bobby "Blue" Bland and the Drifters whizzing past as you search for that perfect slice of heartbreak or romance. You might also notice a complete lack of Jimmy Buffet, Justin Timberlake and Interpol, which is fine and dandy with us. And if you just can't decide between Jimmy Reed and Jim Reeves, take solace in the fact that this juke still plays four songs for a dollar. (The bar's also quiet enough that you can actually hear what's playing.) So put on something besides a wife-beater, watch your mouth and show some respect for the old school, kids.
Owned in part by the surviving members of Pantera, with an airy interior whose dimensions rival that of the main cave at Carlsbad Caverns, and providing patrons with free drinks on Monday nights, the Clubhouse is a place where dirty dreams come true in the least seedy way possible. It's, as they say, a classy joint, boasting an enormous stage with just enough lighting and plenty of poles. There's also the comfy VIP section, which is a large upstairs balcony with a view of, well, everything, plus—and this is our favorite part—all the cocktail waitresses are dressed as schoolgirls. Oh yeah, and there's valet parking too, but the valets just wear regular clothes.
Escapade 2009
Dear Ask a Mexican, What is the best Latin club in Dallas? I'd really like to get my salsa on.—Gringa Skin, Latina Heart Dear Gringa, Ay, Gabacha! What makes you think you can pigeonhole what "Latin" means now days? If we were to vote, we could choose that place Blue, downtown, because the block-long line to get in has always been full of Latinos ready to get their groove on, although the place plays hip-hop. But since it plays hip-hop and not Selena, or salsa, or merengue, we'll toss it out in the basura. Plus, we think it's closed. We don't really know, as we don't hang out there after dark—downtown is dangerous at night, que no? The point is, classifying something as "Latin" is more dificil than, say, blues or hip-hop. But, if we were to go with the usual gabacho perspective, we'd choose Escapade 2009. It's giant—muy grande—with many subdivided areas and Latin genres to choose from: reggaeton, traditional, Latin pop, y muchas mas. Come to think of it, it's all things Latin music, under one roof. ¿Comprende?
A couple of years ago, Tony Bones was a wayward kid with a can of spray paint, tagging brick walls, cargo trucks and, well, any flat surface with his signature stick figures. His graffiti addiction earned him a criminal record and years of probation. But Bones rallied, moving his artistic inclinations from the streets to the walls of the art world. Featured at Deep Ellum's Kettle Art Gallery and on posters, T-shirts and even the album cover for former mayoral hopeful Zac Crain's benefit CD, Bones' work includes signature themes such as lanky, long-fingered figures, skulls and stylized animals bursting with primary colors. In the stuffy world of gallery art, Bones' punk sensibility stands out, proof that he's still got a lot of that anti-establishment tagger deep in his soul.
Dallas World Aquarium
The workday can get so hectic you just need a breather from computers and voicemails and people you spend at least 40 hours a week with. Head downtown to the Dallas World Aquarium and take a lesson from a creature who really knows how to slow down. For the price of a counter-service lunch, you can cruise on through to visit a three-toed sloth. We've gotten to know Bella, our fave, but we hear the other two, Leno and Samba, are just as slow-going and amiable. Take a lean and watch the hairy mammal hang out on its tree, moving in slo-mo. Unlike other exhibits at the aquarium, the sloth isn't caged or enclosed, but free to reach out and slowly latch onto someone's hair (a highlight from one of our visits) or grab camera straps. But most often, they just appear to sleep. They're models of how to relax.
This summertime gathering (in Grapevine, of all places) brings writers, editors, agents and journalists to one of the premier literary events in the nation. Last year, Gay Talese, arguably the greatest living magazine scribe, was keynote speaker. This year's stars included three-time Nobel Prize nominee Joyce Carol Oates and Lawrence Wright, Pulitzer winner for The Looming Tower. In its third year, the conference is being hailed as the best of its kind for writers of literary nonfiction. The schedule for the three-day event typically includes workshops on freelance magazine writing, finding narratives in true tales and how to reconstruct dialogue and scenes in sports stories (taught this year by Sports Illustrated's Bill Nack). Agents, authors and would-be authors are spreading the good word about this confab. If you're a writer, it's the place to be if you want to be read.

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