His biggest career accomplishment? Saving the governor's kidnapped son all the way back in 1985. And, OK, maybe he's been riding that train about 25 years too long at this point. But the fact remains: Dan Stark is a goddamn hero, folks. And it's not just his mustache, his always-present aviator shades, his sweet 1979 Trans Am or the fact that he lives in a trailer in the shadow of the Fair Park Ferris wheel that does the trick. No, it's that somehow, against all odds, Stark and his straight-laced partner Jack Bailey, despite being pinned with petty crime investigation after petty crime investigation, manage to bust big-time punk after big-time punk—and at a clip of about once a week, no less! It's impressive to say the least. Add in the fact that he does this while bedding female witnesses left and right—while drinking on the job—and, really, that's a man worth decorating. The guy's already had one TV movie made in his honor. At this point, he deserves a ridiculously highly rated TV series. Maybe on Fox?