Why play tennis at Lake Cliff? Because as you approach the courts you pass County Commissioner John Wiley Price's house and that ridiculous Suburban with his grinning face plastered on the side. Because, aside from the spirited pickup game thumping up and down the adjacent basketball courts, it's usually empty. Because if anyone ever is out there, they suck just as hard as we do. Because there are huge, veiny penises spray-painted crudely on the court. Because the net is actually made of chain-link fencing so nobody will steal it. Because very young, unattended urchins ask you if they can borrow your racket, and you basically tell them to piss off. Tennis anyone?