Your dog's got fleas, again. If he were a human, he'd be Perpetual Lice Kid, and you'd be The Mother of Perpetual Lice Kid. Sounds like it's time for a serious bath at Urban Dogg. This self-wash grooming headquarters costs $12.95 on weekends, which initially you might balk at. After all, he's a dog and garden hoses exist. But you live in an apartment, don't want your drains clogged with mutt hair cast-offs, hate chasing him around the bathtub and don't have one of those handy detachable nozzles. At Urban Dogg you harness your pup in what looks like an industrial kitchen sink with a drain-through bottom. The water is pleasantly warm and you can turn a dial to select from a few different shampoo options. Plus, there are a bunch of tools, like brushes, giant shop-vac-like blow dryers and yes, even a metal fine-tooth comb especially designed for flea removal. If you're not the DIY washing type, call ahead and schedule one of UD's ridiculously friendly groomers to do your dirty work. They won't judge you for hands-off parenting.
You could bathe your dog in the bathtub at home, then spend the next hour mopping water off the floor and plucking soggy fur from the drain. Or you can take them to Dirty Dawgz, hose them down in one of the walk-in tubs, then brush out a sweater's worth of fur and blow them dry. The staff will clip nails and clean ears at no cost. For those who can't face the chore booze-free, there's a wine night. Also, dogs get to bathe free on their birthday. Don't know your dog's birthday? Make one up. They don't check birth certificates.