Three days into Thanksgiving week, you have to have seen them. Whether by sheer accident, social media or, God help you, because you actually need one, there are guides everywhere. "How to talk to your family about the economy on Thanksgiving," is the first of a quarter-billion Google search results for "how to talk to family on Thanksgiving." It's quickly followed by "How to talk to kids about Thanksgiving so that they really get it," "Should families talk politics during Thanksgiving?" and "How to talk to your family about politics on Thanksgiving." All well-intentioned. All written in the hope that you and yours will have a peaceful, drama-free dinner.
What if you don't want that, though? For the more mischievous among us, there's nothing quite like a lively, maybe-not-totally-in-good-faith argument to liven up grandma's stuffing, which is too dry again, just like last year.
Gather round, all who want to fight over more than just the turkey leg during Thursday's dinner, for some truly awful conversation starters. (Please note that we're not necessarily saying we believe any of these things, just that you might have some fun if you drop them on your dinner guests.)
1. Jerry Jones doesn't get the credit he deserves.
2. Beto O'Rourke was right. Churches that don't support same-sex marriage should lose their tax exempt status.
3. You're right, [Elder Relative X], millennials' real problems are a lack of work ethic and suspect morals.
4. Millennials can't get ahead because boomers feasted on the U.S. economy and left it a desiccated husk.
5. Oswald acted alone.
6. Global warming is an existential threat to humanity that must be addressed with America's greatest collective action since World War II.
7. I really wish I could vote for Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez.
8. Texas is still a red state.
9. Central Track is right, the State Fair does suck.
10. The Dallas Morning News is too conservative.
11. The Dallas Morning News is too liberal.
12. Texas needs a state income tax.
13. Remember the time Ted Cruz liked that porn tweet?
14. The jury was right in the Amber Guyger case.
15. The jury was wrong in the Amber Guyger case.
16. Luka Doncic is going to be, or might already be, better than Dirk Nowitzki.
17. What Dallas ISD really needs is more charter schools.
18. Texas is going to turn blue in 2020.
19. Stop complaining about your property tax bill — at least you own a house.
20. Forget AR-15s, handguns should be illegal.
21. Dallas probably doesn't need any more cops.
22. Josh Hamilton was probably never the good guy we all made him out to be.
23. Robert E. Lee was a traitor and it's good they removed his statue from Turtle Creek Park.
24. Chick-fil-A did not need saving.
25. Dallas ISD is better than [suburban school district X].
27. I like the Mavs' new jerseys.
28. Babies aren't born alive during abortion procedures, no matter what the Texas Legislature says.
29. Tony Romo was a better quarterback than Troy Aikman.
30. Texas kids aren't getting "chemically castrated."
31. Dez Bryant didn't catch it.
32. All that migration from California is actually good for Texas.
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33. Dallas has too much parking, not too little.
34. Paying Ezekiel Elliott was a mistake; paying Dak Prescott won't be.
35. George W. Bush remains a worse president than Donald Trump.