Right, Richie Whitt? As both of my loyal readers know, I led the campaign to run Bill Parcells' old, tired ass out of town. So it is with great, um, pleasure(?) that today I join Dallas Cowboys' fans in welcoming the new head coach: the old, tired ass of Wade Phillips.
Yep, after two weeks of passionate build-up and titillating foreplay, a limp handshake. Seriously, this guy is going to be coaching America's Team. Come onnn! (Say it with me: It's better than Bill. It's better than Bill. It's better than Bill.) But will Phillips really be BTB? Basically his hiring will be met with a collective yawn. Zero charisma. Old-school philosophies. And, is it just me, or does he look like this guy? God help us.
Again, after how Parcells generally ignored fans and minimized talent, we have to welcome Wade with open arms and opener minds. But I'm not kidding, if I made a list of coaches we never wanted to see roaming the Cowboys' sideline Parcells and Phillips would be near the top, just behind George Allen and this guy.
Phillips is 48-39 as a head coach, but 0-3 in the playoffs. Only after Norv Turner demanded control over the coaching staff did Wade surface as owner Jerry Jones' choice. Troub-a-ling. Expect Jerry to, as he did in the salad days of Chan Gailey and Dave Campo, to remove his muzzle and return to power as the face and voice of the franchise.
At 60 and seemingly two all-you-can-eat buffets away from health problems, Phillips hardly conjures up images of stability and continuity like, say, Tom Landry. But he does bring his daddy, Bum's wisdom and his daughter, Tracy's flair.
Maybe it will work out. Maybe Phillips, a defensive specialist, will do for DeMarcus Ware what he did in San Diego for Shawn Merriman, sans steroids. Maybe Phillips will let Jason Garrett tutor Tony Romo. Maybe, since he looks the part, the Cowboys can save money on an equipment manager and just have Wade change out cleats when he's not calling plays. And maybe, just maybe, Phillips is only a bridge to Bill Cowher. Is that too much to ask for? --Richie Whitt