Let me start off by apologizing to the herd of elementary school kids and the wide-eyed crossing guard I scared the bezeevers out of this morning. No, I wasn't practicing one of those Jetta "Safe Happens" -- or "Holy Shit" -- commercials; I was merely transfixed by Jerry Jones' weekly radio visit on KTCK-AM (1310, The Ticket) and sorta, momentarily, like, forgot I was driving. No harm, no foul, eh?
"Holy Shit," indeed.
In summary, the Dallas Cowboys owner told morning-drive hosts George Dunham and Craig Miller and the rest of us inquiring minds: "Stop this crap!" During a testy, tasty interview, Jones admitted he was in a bad mood, talked out of both sides of his mouth and appeared to punctuate some of his curt answers with spite.
Dunham and Miller asked Jones if he wants Bill Parcells back. Jones said, "Yes."
Do you want Terrell Owens back: "Yes."
When reminded by Miller that both Owens and receiver Terry Glenn are due significant roster bonuses in March if they remain on the team, Jones snapped.
"Hey, hey, stop this crap!," Jones barked. "I said yes. OK? Don't know how I can answer you any clearer. Do you know I know the consequences of having them back? Do you know I know how much they make?"
Miller explained he was merely trying to get the vital information "on the record," but Jones wasn't soothed.
"No, there's been plenty of record," he contended. "Reflect back after the ball game, and I said the same thing. Do your homework."
And then, typical Jerry, he watered down his entire hard-line stance.
Said Jones, "Ask me that question about anybody on our roster, and you'd get a yes."
So, what seven lines up sounds like a resounding, researched and definitive decision is instead just an defensive, ill-tempered, knee-jerk blanket statement that covers everyone from Abram Elam to Drew Bledsoe to T.O? Don't blame The Ticket, which asked the questions we all want and deserve answers to. And, in light of Nick Saban's recent flip-flop fib, it never hurts to ask the same question twice, does it?
Jones went to on to call Tony Romo a "viable quarterback for the future," said the Cowboys must find a way to get Roy Williams "closer to the line of scrimmage so he can make plays" and promised to "address how we competed the last three or four weeks."
The bad news: At least publicly, at least for now, he says he wants the fat Fish back. But does he expect Parcells to decide to return?
"I don't want to fuel the speculation," Jones said. "He's outstanding, and he's got a lot of fire in the oven -- or boiler."
For one memorable morning, so did Jerry Jones. --Richie Whitt