TJ's Seafood is now offering a chilled seafood tower with an amazing name: Meet the Seafood & Chill.
For a mere $115, this stacks-on-stacks-on-stacks chilled seafood tower can be yours. Did I hear you say, "That sounds expensive"? Whatever. $115 is less than you paid for gas this year. It's only like 30 McDonald's quarter-pounder with cheese extra value meals. For $115, you can only get 23 Venti, skinny, no-whip Iced Caramel Macchiatos. If you tried to rent a yacht with $115, the yacht guy would laugh in your face. Like, directly into your face. $115 is not even close to like half of one respectable pair of Kate Spades. And Kate Spades don't come with mother-boning dipping sauce, last time I checked. $115 is perfectly reasonable for the three-stories high boatload of holy craps you are about to be served.
If you don't want it, fine. If you do, BEHOLD THE AWESOME LIST OF THE TJ'S SEAFOOD & CHILL'S MANY OFFERINGS:
- Seven jumbo shrimp
- Jumbo lump crab cocktail
- Jumbo inability to see your tablemates through your platter
- Mega high fives
- Ahi tuna poke with plantain chips
- Steamed Maine lobster
- Implied opulence
- 8 premium East Coast oysters on half shell
- One loud slap in the face of The Joneses
- Eight littleneck clams
- Five side-eyes from jealous onlookers
- 12 Prince Edward Island mussels
- Four to six Instagram posts with the "100" emoji
- 45-minute dipping sauce orgy
- Optional makeout sesh with lobster face
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