The Real Housewives of Dallas Episode 6: Text Message Gate 2016

The Real Housewives of Dallas Episode 6 Recap
"Locken Loaded"

It’s episode six of The Real Housewives of Dallas and if you’re like my 89-year-old grandmother, then you’re really effin' bored with this show (she emails me to tell me a show about five rich white women doing life isn’t really for her). Or if you’re like the rest of America watching cable TV Monday nights, then it’s still not your thing. The Real Housewives of Dallas has been lacking in the ratings game (more people are watching Spongebob SquarePants). Could it be because people aren’t watching TV at 9 p.m. Monday nights? Could it be because the best piece of TV we’ve gotten this season is LeeAnne Locken hitting a moving trolley? Could it be because there is very little diversity in the cast? Questions that keep us up at night for $200, Trebek.

This episode all of the “housewives” do their own thing for the most part. Stephanie Hollman redecorates her son’s room to fit a Dallas Cowboys theme. Exciting! Cary Deuber partakes in a photoshoot conducted by her plastic surgeon husband for their practice’s website. Ooo! Brandi Redmond addresses the awkward tension with her husband. No way! And Tiffany Hendra and Locken take on friend of the cast, Marie Reyes, about some dirty text messages sent. Scandal!

But, no, not that kind of dirty. Nothing good. Just that Reyes doesn’t condone Locken’s behavior. You remember. That time she threw Champagne and then went trolley boxing outside of Stephan Pyles?

Reyes was not happy about it, so she texted Hendra and said Locken's behavior is spiritually and emotionally the same as a 14-year-old. Hendra, being BFF of the Year, goes and tells Locken what Reyes said about her, and then like the three adults they are, they sit down on Reyes' new furniture to talk it out.

Locken defends her behavior by saying she was beat down and tired of Redmond attacking her. In fact, she was sobbing so uncontrollably that her cab driver didn’t even charge her. We repeat. There is a cab or Uber driver in Dallas giving out free rides if you cry loudly enough about the emotional pain of being a Real Housewife of Dallas. Take note.

Reyes nods and pretty much backs down without a fight and apologizes, but not before Locken screams in her face.

"And I'm not having a f**king mental breakdown," Locken says. "I'm pissed as hell. I'm so mad."


It's emotional. It's painful. And it's boring all at the same time. Viewers never see the text messages Hendra so kindly printed out for the confrontation, but what do you know. We have them! Here!

The second conflict of the episode is between Redmond and her husband. To ease some awkward tension, they go to Texas de Brazil in Addison and sigh a lot and look at each other and order martinis (Brandi got a cosmopolitan, how Carrie Bradshaw of her) and don’t really talk about anything. Well, scratch that. Brandi tells Bryan that she will try harder to tell him when she needs more attention. He takes a sip of water.

Agony.

“(mumbles) issue I don’t give you enough attention,” Bryan asks Brandi. "Seriously," he adds for dramatic effect.

Music plays and then commercials.

“I feel like I give you all the attention and then you say I don’t give you any attention," Bryan says to Brandi.

Then other words that sort of make up a sentence are exchanged and then Brandi asks Bryan if she did something wrong, to which he says, “Yeah.” Then she starts crying and asks what she did and he looks at her and asks why she’s crying because even if you’ve dated a woman since the eighth grade, she is still complicated, I guess.


Then Bryan walks out and says he has had enough and that he is done and we must have missed something. Alejo, Bryan and Brandi's waiter at Texas de Brazil that night, tells us the couple wasn't there long — about 30 minutes. They didn't even make it past their salads before Bryan told the camera crew he was walking out.


BUT WHY?

"I think she was asking too many personal questions," Alejo offered us.

OH, DAMMIT, YOU WIVES AND YOUR PERSONAL QUESTIONS DIRECTED TOWARD YOUR HUSBANDS.

The episode ends. America is in shambles. What will happen with Brandi and Bryan? Only time will tell.