Neiman Marcus' 2016 Fantasy Gifts Have Been Announced and They're As Insane As You Think

People say money can’t buy love or happiness, but it can. We have proof, and it's in the Neiman Marcus Fantasy Gift Guide.

Hillary Stonger, who handles corporate public relations for Neiman Marcus, tells us about half of the Neiman Marcus fantasy gifts are sold each year. In fact, two of the 10 announced this year are already gone: the Waitress walk-on role and the sleepover at the Neiman Marcus flagship in Downtown Dallas.

Here are some of our favorites:

Walk-on role in the smash Broadway musical, Waitress
Price: $30,000
For the low, low price of a new car, you can say a couple lines in the Broadway musical, Waitress. There will be bright lights; makeup. They'll probably give you an apron. There are no details on what this role actually is, but someone already jumped at the chance to buy it. Too bad. What you can do instead: Have a bunch of people over, turn on the overhead lights in your kitchen and pretend you’re in a musical. Save $30,000 and buy yourself a Lexus.

One-day private quarterback camp with Joe Montana
Price: $65,000
Joe Montana is not dead! And to prove that, you can pay for him to teach you the entire game of football and how to play it in just one day. This gift is perfect for your 11-year-old son who keeps getting benched. At this rate, we all know he will never make varsity, he will never get a scholarship to a Big 12 college, and he will never one day have head injuries from playing multiple years in the NFL. Change that! What is $65,000 compared to a lifetime of head trauma? Still think it’s not worth it? You get a photo with Montana!

Exclusive Grammy Awards Experience
Price: $500,000
If record producers just won’t give you a chance, there’s always a loophole. A fancy Neiman Marcus loophole. They always say that you shouldn’t have to pay for a way into the music industry, but what do they know. For half a million dollars, you can go to the Grammys, take home a gold Gibson Les Paul ’59 Reissue guitar — sounds fancy — and walk the red carpet. Maybe you’ll run into a record producer. Maybe you can sing your version of “Hello” to them and get rejected in person. Maybe Taylor will briefly glance your way and think, "Who the hell is that?" Who knows. The sky's the limit.

His and Hers Neiman Marcus Island Cars featuring Lilly Pulitzer
Price: $65,000 each
Neiman Marcus went above and beyond this year in the Gift That Will Truly Embarrass Your Man department. It’s no longer enough to buy him a Burberry scarf or skinny jeans. No, this year he must have a Lilly Pulitzer island car — you know, for driving on that island you own. You'll get a matching one to zip around in, too. There are no doors, so if it looks like he’s tucking and rolling out of the car, it’s not suicide, we’re positive; it’s just the whole no-door thing. His car is green and yours is pink and both are decked in Lilly Pulitzer prints.

Which ones will you buy?