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Where To Find Dallas Observer In Print
Archives from 2006
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Gustavo Arellano
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Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Dec 28, 2006
The Mexican is currently inside a trunk trying to sneak back into the United States after the Christmas holiday. In the meanwhile, here are some oldies-but-goldies: Dear Mexican, A friend of mine calls Mexicans "wabs" but being a menso doesn't even know what it means—except that it's not P.C. What's...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Dec 21, 2006
Dear Mexican, I'm a Spanish-language student struggling with tenses and the gender of nouns. The other day, some friends and I were discussing street slang and the word verga (penis) came up (no pun intended). It occurred to me that the definitive symbol of masculinity ends in the feminine -a...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Dec 14, 2006
Dear Mexican, It seems that whenever Chicano professors want to show off their mexicanidad, they wear a guayabera. In fact, I saw a picture of you in the Los Angeles Times donning the shirt, along with Dickies pants and Converse All Stars. How trite and bourgeois! You go to a...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Dec 7, 2006
Dear Mexican, I was flipping through my television when I noticed the Spanish-language channel showed a man in a red suit with yellow pants, antennae on his head and a heart with the letters "CH" on his chest. It appeared to be a sitcom, and all the characters related to...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Nov 30, 2006
Dear Readers, I received many kind, drunken words from ustedes regarding my November 16 column proclaiming Mexicans and Irish "brothers in depravity." Let's start with a wab: Man, did you make me laugh with "leprecanos." I never had more fun on Cinco de Mayo than I did in 1974 in...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Nov 23, 2006
Note to readers: The following is a serious, stat-saturated column. I promise more dwarf- and Dirty Sanchez-related questions next week! Dear Mexican, A recent study by the Pew Hispanic Center reveals the following: ·Hispanics are four times more likely than non-Hispanics to receive welfare. ·Hispanics account for three-quarters of the...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Nov 16, 2006
Dear Mexican, My fiancé is trying to learn Spanish so he can speak to my grandmother when we get married next month. Lately, he's been listening to CNN en Español to get an ear for the language. A couple of days ago, he told me that, after several weeks of...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Nov 9, 2006
Dear Mexican, Not long ago, I attended a Los Tigres del Norte concert at a small hall with no dance floor. The people attending were supposed to sit down and enjoy the music. Five minutes into the music, these jumping beans started dancing in the aisle. It's not the first...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Nov 2, 2006
Dear Mexican, A friend says she read somewhere that only 20 percent of Mexican men will go down on their ladies. I don't believe that. Can you "spread" some light on the subject? Dear Gabacho, Dear Handsome Let me penetrate the thrust of your friend's argument by referring her to...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Oct 26, 2006
Dear Mexican, It's hard out here for a brotha! First, we had to deal with those pieces of shit called the KKK and their supporters. Now we have to deal with the freakin' Mexican invasion. Now I see why whites fretted over seeing their neighborhoods turn dark when Cleophus and...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Oct 19, 2006
Dear Mexican, I have very, very light skin because of my Scandinavian heritage. Around Halloween, someone asked me if it was white-face makeup. Why is it that Mexican men find my pallor so fascinating? --Fair Maiden Dear Gabacha, BECAUSE YOU'RE WHITE. Mexicans love gabachos even though you've fucked our country...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Oct 12, 2006
Dear Mexican, How can you explain the disparity between Japan and Mexico? Japan is a nation a fraction the size of Mexico, with zero natural resources, that suffered a devastating war of four years that included two atom bombs yet has reached the highest in educational achievements, technological advancements and...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Oct 5, 2006
Dear Mexican, I once got into a fight with a cholo. We beat the crap out of each other, but when all was said and done, I kicked his ass harder than he kicked mine, and the cholo ran off swearing and spitting. I assumed the matter was settled, but...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Sep 28, 2006
Dear Readers, Folks went loco following my September 7 column that blamed Chicano studies for spawning a generation of humorless activists and "corrupt[ing] the brains of young Mexicans with antiquated concepts like victimization, objectification and grade inflation." Too many letters and comments from professors, activists and Zach de la Rocha...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Sep 21, 2006
Dear Mexican, I have a stupid, unemployed, 16-year-old gang-bangin' cousin who already dropped out of school, and I'm pretty sure most Mexicans are related to somebody who fits that description. About eight months ago, he knocked up a girl around his age, so last week I was dragged to their...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Sep 14, 2006
Dear Mexican, I see Jews, Asians and Persians making something of themselves and conducing safe, walkable communities. Of course they're not perfect, but I don't see high Jew-crime communities, either. I see these people sticking together and helping each other out instead of envying their own. Why can't Mexicans get...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Sep 7, 2006
Dear Mexican, My gabacha friends and I marched in the May pro-amnesty rallies and wanted to show our support on our chests as well as our feet. We wore T-shirts that read, "I only (picture of big, juicy lips) mojados" on the front and "Yo solo (lips) mojados" on the...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Aug 31, 2006
Dear Mexican, I heard that Mexicans at an Orange County, California, candy factory think they saw the Virgin Mary in a pile of melted chocolate. Why do Mexicans always see the Virgin Mary in the stupidest things? --Non-Believer Beaner Dear Wab, It's not just Mexicans who find the Holy Mother...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Aug 24, 2006
Dear Mexican, What's with Mexican-Americans who live in New Mexico claiming they're Spanish and not Mexican? Many actually get angry and combative if you ask them if they're Mexican. But if you look at them, they look more Indian than Spanish! Why have so many developed a deep-seated embarrassment of...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Aug 17, 2006
Dear Mexican, Why do Mexicans forget about great beers like Tecate, Negra Modelo and Bohemia and start drinking swill like Bud Light when they come to the United States? I always remember John Steinbeck's immortal line--"Ah, Bohemia beer and the Pyramid of the Sun; entire civilizations have created less"--yet if...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Aug 10, 2006
Dear Mexican, What's up with the bull stickers on the truck doors? Is this a secret business, something earned at some unmentionable contest south of the border or a brotherhood of sorts? I thought about taking Spanish lessons so I could politely ask one of these guys. --Native California Whitey...
Ask a Mexican!
By Gustavo Arellano
Aug 3, 2006
Dear Mexican, The last two movies I attended were rated R. Sitting around me were Mexican families with very young children. Why do Mexicans bring their 8-year-old kids to see a movie like Hostel? Do Mexican parents just not give a shit, or can they not afford a baby sitter?...
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