How to Quarantine Like an Influencer or Celebrity

Do you know the right hashtags to use? Are you even #quarantiming right?
Maddi Bazzocco/Usplash
Do you know the right hashtags to use? Are you even #quarantiming right?
Coronavirus has taken over the world and to help stop the spread of the deadly virus, the government has advised everyone stay inside.

But there's no way you're quarantining as fabulously as social media influencers are. Have you seen their posts? They're wearing makeup and they're on boats in thong bathing suits. In the words of Kourtney Kardashian, "Kim, there's people that are dying."

Yes, people dying is a total mood kill, but like, it's inevitable, according to Vanessa Hudgens. Read below on how to quarantine like a true influencer.

1. Be completely unaware there are people actually suffering.

Yes, there are people actually dying and that is considered a bad thing, unless you think like actress and publicist nightmare Vanessa Hudgens, then of course, people dying is inevitable! But because you're an influencer and rules don't apply to you, you won't die and you can keep posting on Instagram every day.

Because everyone is stuck inside anyway, be sure to go live, like Hudgens did. Live videos on Instagram are all the rage now, and it's important to remind your followers that you are healthy but also bored. You like hearing yourself talk and so do all your followers!

2. Put together a cringe-worthy video to lift spirits.

The world has stopped, but celebrities fishing for attention has not. Actress and Wonder Woman Gal Gadot apparently texted all of her "celebrity" friends (we use that term lightly!) and asked them to sing a line from John Lennon's "Imagine." Trigger warning: It's bad! Don't watch it! Or listen to it! Gadot is, we guess, healthy and happy, and wants you and everyone else to "imagine all the people living for today." Truly happy for her in these times. Wonder Woman will save us all.

3. Make your caption something about "social distancing" or maybe a pun on "quarantine."

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Social distancing

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If you want to be socially aware but want your Instagram to keep the same vibe, you need to make sure your caption is woke and fun. Write a caption with "social distancing" or "quarantine" in it. Maybe how we're all on "quarantime" right now, ha-ha, that is funny. Or how because it's a photo of just you, you are actually "social distancing" quite well, ha-ha.

Make sure your ass cheeks are in the photo because nothing says "international pandemic" like sandy ass cheeks and a straw hat. Social distancing, man!

4. Link to your app.

The economy is failing and people are losing their jobs by the minute, but your business is thriving. You need to let people know that the cashmere turtleneck you're so fabulously wearing during the quarantine is still available to buy through the app. For just the price of a few dozen packs of toilet paper, the turtleneck can belong to any of your struggling followers. If you're quarantined, you might as well be fashionably quarantined.

5. Ignore the government.

Yes, the Centers for Disease Control has advised to not go outside unless it's essential, as in going to the grocery store to buy canned goods and water, so you don't die of hunger, but remember, you are an ex-Bachelor contestant and now a highly successful influencer, and Instagram photos taken inside are sad. No one likes sad Instagram photos! So get on a boat, smile big and wide, and tell your followers that because you're fine and not feeling any symptoms, it will be fine for everyone else. You're fabulous, the boat you're on is fabulous, and this whole thing is fabulous. Rules don't apply to you! What could go wrong?