Capitol Riot Suspect Jenna Ryan Released a Song, and It's About You-Know-Who

The story of Jenna Ryan, the Frisco real estate broker facing charges for participating in the Jan. 6 raid on the U.S. Capitol, is like an onion. Every time a new layer is exposed to the atmosphere, it smells like hell, but you can't help but take a huge whiff.

The latest odorous bit of news comes in musical form. Ryan wrote and recorded an original song for a self-help YouTube channel called SelfLoveU, which sounds like a college that markets itself as "home of the Fightin' Wellness Journals."

The song is called My Falling Heart. It's one of those sweeping, inspirational ballads with heavy religious tones that Bo Burnham was probably listening to when he wrote the lyrics to "White Woman's Instagram."

Now it would be unfair to do an honest critique of this song because Ryan wrote it 10 years ago, long before her infamous rise to the national spotlight, according to her Twitter account. Even if that weren't the case, Ryan is also an independent artist and music is not her main profession, so we won't hold her to the standard of professional musicians with the backing of a multimillion-dollar media machine.

News of the song's release intrigued us nevertheless, especially once the lyrics made their way to our cochlea. It's the aural equivalent of passing a car accident on the highway and the creeping guilt that builds from leering at the carnage. Ryan purports it to be a song about faith and the enduring human spirit, but it sounds like there's something much deeper at work here.

Here's a breakdown of the lyrics.


My falling heart
is searching for someone
to see me and take me
just as I am

We're pretty sure she's talking about former president Donald Trump here. Sure, it's easy to believe it's a song about Jesus, but she did say she was looking to take orders from Trump before flew to the Capitol.

Reaching and grasping
trying to hold onto
asking the question
Does anybody care?

This is an obvious cry for help. Who wouldn't feel the same way when the world is giving you the side-eye? Is Ryan trying to send a message to Trump imploring him, sorry, Him, to come to her aid in her hour of need? It's possible, but also equally doubtful. Trump has trouble maintaining the focus needed to read non-coded messages written in his native language.

Then I hear your voice
whisper to me
light in the darkness
Your truth revealed

We're trying hard to avoid jumping to conclusions, but this part is less than subtle. We're not sure Trump can whisper, however; his booming voice screams "Me! Pay attention to me!"

And I know somebody loves me
His name is Jesus
I know somebody loves me
His name is God

Here's a fun game! Go back and replace the words "Jesus," "somebody," "someone," "anybody" and "God" with "Trump," "Donald" or "My Donny-wonny" and try not to laugh at the results. You may dislocate your jaw in the process, but it's worth it.

He's the Alpha and Omega
My Jesus He stays the same

This is the most damaging piece of evidence about the true nature of Ryan's song. No one stays the same better than Trump. He's a rock. He's a stubborn, unmovable mountain of unlearned lessons. If someone tried to make an afterschool special based on Trump's mistakes, the forced lesson would be that everyone is wronger than you thought in the first place.

He strengthens my heart
and I know that He's there

My heart will rest in my savior's love
My heart will rest in my savior's love

This part really broke our hearts. We feel sorry for Ryan. We just imagine Ryan as that poor kid at the prom who couldn't get a date and had to stand staring into a window at the bejeweled gymnasium as the happy couples on the dance floor partying with Trump.

Don't worry. The feeling will pass. Just as we imagined Ryan mouthing the teary words to "Endless Love," we remembered she reassured us she's not going to jail because "I have blonde hair white skin a great job a great future" (sic) just like she actually did on Twitter.