Welcome to your midlife crisis. Let's take a quick tour: To your right, you can see gaggles of underage women you gawk at while taking your family out to dinner at Chuy's. To your left is the Hawaiian-shirt aisle at Mervyn's. Up ahead a little ways sits a medicine cabinet full of Rogaine and, um, little blue pills. And, beyond that, we have an invitation to On One Wheel wheelie school. Dallas' 40-plus community has clamored for a motorcycle-stunt training course long enough, and this Saturday through Monday they can head to Pennington Field, 1849 Central Drive in Bedford, to learn the most nonessential driving instruction available to man. Pardon our sarcasm, but the thing costs $495 per class, and we didn't get any press passes. Honestly, we wanted to try out Wheelie Trainer, a device that ensures "getting it up" (a phrase the school uses repeatedly) without flipping over, because we know we'd crack our skulls otherwise. Instead, we'll just smarmily make fun of the people who can afford to learn badass motorcycle stunts. Call 323-224-2739 or visit www.ononewheel.com. --Sam Machkovech
Deck the Hulls
12/13
Admit it: You've grown a bit weary of driving aimlessly to admire the gaily decorated front yards as part of your holiday ritual. See one inflated Santa and a small herd of wire reindeer all lit up and you've seen 'em all. So why not mark December 13 on your calendar and pay a visit to Lynn Creek Park on Joe Pool Lake to watch the annual Christmas Boat Parade? This event has it all: a visit from Santa, carolers, a fireworks display and, of course, the parade of lavishly decorated boats decked out in their Christmas best. Things begin around dusk, and it's free. Call 817-640-4200. --Carlton Stowers
Athlete's Foot
12/13
The Dallas White Rock Marathon Fitness Expo has traditionally been a come-and-go affair where marathon participants stop in and pick up their race number, T-shirt, some safety pins and maybe some energy gel packets for the following day's arduous event. The latest in running shoes, shorts and shirts are all on sale, but most runners should have their favorite shirt, shorts, socks and probably even their underwear picked out long before the race day. Plus, the idea of breaking in a new pair of shoes during a marathon is absolutely preposterous. But this year the expo organizers gathered a lineup of fitness experts and famous runners discussing everything from "Running for Women" to "Eat, Run and Have Fun: Nutrition Tips for Your Marathon," so runners may want to stick around for some free advice. It's Saturday from 8:30 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. at the Marsalis Exhibit Hall, Hyatt Regency Hotel, 300 Reunion Blvd., and admission is free. Visit www.beloexpo.com/whiterock. --Jay Webb
