The two raunchiest and yet completely enthralling autobiographies we've ever read: Klaus Kinski's Kinski Uncut and Lenny Bruce's How to Talk Dirty and Influence People. Their juxtaposition of real-life heartache and happiness with gutter-dwelling and porn-ish anecdotes is a literary treat when well-written. OK, so no one's quite sure how much of either, or any autobiography for that matter, is completely true, but we take it, mull it over and blissfully digest the stories anyway. How about doing that kind of biographical fiction onstage? The screaming mimes theater company beat us to the punch with artistic director Darius Safavi's original production (and "world premiere") of The Story Lenny Bruce Never Told beginning tonight at 8 p.m. at Teatro Dallas' new location at 1331 Record Crossing. The show runs through May 18 daily at 8 p.m. except for May 12. Tickets are $6.50 to $9. Check out www.lennybrucestory.com or call 214-521-8377.
Friday, May 9
Many thoughts spring to mind after hearing the term "sustainable energy." Yeah, so we're perverse. Like you didn't wax tantric for a moment there. We also considered the amount of sustainable energy that one would need for visiting the free exhibits at the Sustainable Building and Energy Expo at Richland College, 12800 Abrams Road, May 9 and May 10. It is, after all, family-friendly, so the equation is rather complex with all the demonstrations, exhibits and tots nipping at the heels to go see the All Creatures Great and Small exhibit. Actually, that whole child-labor idea might be good for the environment and a great tie-in to the Expo. We can see it now: human hamster wheels with kids running. Think of it this way--you'll know where they are and the electric bill could be lower, not to mention also lowering that child obesity rate Montel and Maury cover regularly on those shows of theirs. The Expo exhibits are open 9 a.m. to 6 p.m. Friday and 9 p.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday in the Fannin Performance Hall. Call 972-238-6144.
Saturday, May 10
Forget the live animals at the zoo, works of fine art at a museum and any stage performance. Bring on the dead folks! Frances James, a.k.a. Cemetery Lady, chooses a different part of the city for each of her regular graveyard tours, so they're never the same. She guides participants through historical cemeteries, some dating as far back as the mid-1800s. James' effort results in a look at Dallas history few think about. Some of the markers toured are for people who created a foundation on which Big D would grow. It's history, yeah, but it's different and cool and very compelling. Most people complain they're trapped in the past, so why not take a tour of it and have a bite while you're at it? Lunch is included. Tickets range from $35 to $45. Tours depart from the Hall of State, 3939 Grand Ave. in Fair Park, at 9 a.m. with an estimated return of 2 p.m. Call 214-421-4500, ext. 105.
Sunday, May 11
Here we have Mom's Day, and we can probably count on one hand the offspring who remember that before 10 o'clock Saturday night. (In fact, thank goodness we have to write this because now we can look all prepared-like.) There's no time Saturday night for brunch reservations. After all, Mom's in bed already with the not-so-faint notion that her beloved child forgot her day. So tell her to hop in the car because you're taking her to a movie, a real "mother" of a movie. This one revolves around mother/daughter relationships (guys, take her anyway, you'll look sensitive). The Women's Museum is showing a Mother's Day screening of The Joy Luck Club at noon and 2:20 p.m. The film is emotional, inspiring and really shows the importance of respect for elders. We figure that since our nation is a bit lax in the area of personally taking care of and respecting the older figures in our lives, this film is a good way to show Mom we intend to do just that. The Women's Museum is located at 3800 Parry Ave. Museum admission is $5 for adults, $4 for seniors and children 13-18 and $3 for children under 12. Call 214-915-0860.
Monday, May 12
We're not big fans of curry. In fact, for years we avoided Indian food and other cuisine heavy into using the stuff until we discovered there's more to Indian food than the pungent spice. We know it seems obvious, but, seriously, the curry loathing ran deep. Now open-minded after tasting a few dahl-ectible dishes sans curry, we're all hopped up on learning how to make such splendid morsels in the comfort of our own home. Besides, our personal sitar player is bored out of his gourd waiting for a meal to soundtrack. Our friends at Sur la Table, 4527 Travis St., and, more specifically, instructor Suneeta Vaswani have just the thing we need: a demo class on Indian Summer Foods. For 50 bucks, we can learn the secrets of lemony shrimp-stuffed peppers, smoky eggplant salad and more. Missing the 6:30 p.m. session Monday is naan-excusable, or inexcusable. Whatever. Call 1-866-328-5412 to register.
Tuesday, May 13
Old movies, whether horror, Western or even musical, aren't kitschy or cool or campy just because they're old. Most of the time we find they are frankly, well, better. Sure, technology has improved over time and budgets have expanded. While we could say the same about actors' salaries, we fully disagree that there has been excessive improvement in the acting department. Give us the simply horrific special effects of Hitchcock's The Birds or the sheer creepiness of Vincent Price in The Last Man on Earth over Scream 1, 2 or 3 any day. Hence our excitement over Lakewood Theater's 15 Cent Classic on the second Tuesday of each month. Yes, they really are only a nickel and a dime, and gettaloada this: Popcorn costs a mere quarter. For this classic, the Duke graces the theater with his presence at 7:30 p.m. when the lights go down and The Quiet Man starts up on the screen. Those who don't know the Duke is John Wayne's nickname should get in line now at 1825 Abrams Parkway. Call 214-827-LAKE.
Wednesday, May 14
Wayne and Stacy are no Trinny and Susannah. Trust us; we are expert watchers of What Not to Wear on BBC America, and the Americanized TLC version just doesn't cut it. But that in no way means we don't watch it. Both versions of the show are as addictive as the microwave pizza and Diet Coke we consume while we watch intently. We admire the style of the BBC hosts, while we laugh at the hosts' clothing on the American show. Now, as much as it would suck to know that your friends think you have no fashion sense, wouldn't it be cool to be signed up for the show and get personal tutorials on what flatters certain body types, how to hide flaws and how to shop for basic pieces for a wardrobe with limited funds? Enter Nancy J. Klein-Freid, image consultant. At noon Wednesday, she conducts (for free) the Wow, You Look Great!! Workshop, part of the University of Texas at Dallas' Galerstein Women's Center's Lunch Bunch series. It's like the show with all the info, but no secret cameras and no televised embarrassment. Bring a lunch; they'll provide dessert and an informative hour of fashion and makeup tips tailored to help create positive first impressions. Now if only UT-D would supply the $5,000 for a new wardrobe they give to participants on the show. 2601 Floyd Road (Campbell Road at University), in Room 1.204 of the McDermott Library. Call 972-883-6555.