On being a man

I wonder if what really bothers Mr. Randy Thomas ("Mr. Fixit," July 20) is not the "it" but actually the lifestyle. The comments on his "gay dream" and the fact that he is not his sexuality really touch me. I believe many of my homosexual brothers and sisters really do wish to have that gay dream but are stuck in that illusion that being a homosexual is about sex. My mother told me the gay lifestyle was lonely, and she was right. It is very difficult to build close friendships and romantic partnerships when you are out looking for sex.

Even breeders can relate to the situation. People cannot be themselves for fear of rejection, and homosexuals know rejection. No one knows you, and you know no one. In periods of abstinence, I have found all sorts of new things in life. You may even find a belief in God or concern for other people. I stopped looking for sex and started looking for life, and life gets richer. Don't get me wrong--even not pursuing sex I am still as queer as a three-dollar bill, but the hunger no longer eats away at me. I will let Mike Piazza debate the theological side of this issue, but I think the radio DJ gave Mr. Thomas the best advice anyone can: "Just be honest, be who you are."

Arnold Chambers

On reading the unusually large article about a man by the name of Thomas who has come to realize that he didn't want to be gay anymore, I have found several areas of this article to be very insulting. After reading this article twice, I have concluded that this Thomas character went in the wrong direction as a gay man, which can be done just as easily as a straight man. He went to the wrong places, did the wrong things, and ended up disliking himself.

His poor decisions are not limited only to the gay lifestyle. Heterosexuals go to the wrong places, do the wrong things, and also end up disliking themselves. It was quite obvious with comments such as, "His voice has become deeper since his conversion, though he sounds 'nelly' when he's upset. He's also begun to like football," that he is trying to disguise his true identity, not as a gay man, or ex-gay man, but as an individual who is timid with his voice and uses hand gestures to get a point across as a way of better communication.

And what is this B.S. about liking football? Let me be the first to point out that I know a number of gay men who enjoy watching the sport of football, and not just for the men in tights. Also, not all gay men have nelly voices and use hand gestures while talking. I believe this whole article was stereotyping all gay people. I am 23 years old. I am gay. I have been in a very healthy relationship with another gay man for two years now. I do not do any drugs whatsoever besides alcohol, which I have recently totally quit. I do not smoke. I have never cheated on my boyfriend, nor has he been unfaithful to me. I have had only three sexual partners in my life, and the third person is my last. I am not a flamboyant person. I rarely go out to the gay bars and clubs anymore unless it is to be with my friends.

My boyfriend has been away in the Navy for almost a year now, yet I have never cheated or thought about cheating on him. We are both very happy with our relationship and our future together. Truthfully, I don't even know many straight couples who have lived up to the standards that this gay man (myself) has.

So in conclusion, I would like to commend Thomas for his efforts in transforming himself not into a straight man, but into a better person and wish him luck. I just hope that he doesn't decide that liking football, or having a deeper voice, or not using hand gestures, or growing a gut, or drinking a six-pack a day, or being aggressive, or being insensitive, or any stereotypes of a straight man will make him more of a straight man or a man at all. The fact is, he needs to be his true self whether or not he succeeds in changing his attraction on all levels from men to women.

Tommy McClure

Jeez...what an incredible article! I just now finished reading it and must say that while it's commendable of Randy Thomas to follow his heart (even though our personal philosophies are beyond incompatible) and that his voice deserves to be heard with the others, I'm shocked, simply shocked, that here it is the year 2000, and there are actually still people out there who have "issues" with masturbation. That's almost as frightening as the "conversion" movement itself.