Cheap Bastard

Oasis Cafe Gets The Breakfast-For-Lunch Task Done Right

Ate a cold slice of pizza for breakfast, which, apart from immediately causing nightmare flashbacks to epic college hangovers (Seriously, Everclear. Is there a toilet on any college campus that you haven't ended up in?), always leads to one of my favorite things: breakfast for lunch. Luckily, Oasis Cafe is here to feed my need for a short stack, scrambled eggs and some crispy bacon (all for less than six bucks). From the outside, it looks like someone barfed breakfast graffitti all over the building, but to be honest that's what caught my blinker's attention. On the inside it's a surprisingly clean greasy spoon. The A/C and shiny booths kinda threw me off. "Isn't it supposed to be a million degrees in here and smell of a Sammy Davis Jr. smoke burp?"

My breakfastlunchmate ordered an omelette (aka an eggchilada) with an extra side of salsa. One taste of the salsa, her face turned red and she lit my face on fire telling me how hot it was. So, I poured some of it on my plain ol' scramble (which up to this point was just getting mediocre marks) and, holy mouth-on-fire, was it good. The salsa instantly took these eggs into fun-to-eat territory and out of blah territory. The pancakes were giant and came with a cold bowl of individually contained Country Crock butters. Nothin' fancy. Which I fully support. I don't like it when people try to fill my pancakes with all kinds of blueberries and bananas and nuts and crap. You want all that shit, order a muffin. When I want pancakes, bust out the Bisquick, make 'em as giant as the empty space between Kate Gosselin's ears, serve 'em to me butter-melting hot and I will tip the shit out of you. 

The bacon was perfect by my standards (read: it was bacon and bacon is perfect and therefore unfuckupable). I ate those three slices faster than Carlos Mencia's new show is going to be ripped off the air.

 All in all, Oasis Cafe got the breakfast-for-lunch task done. Nothing crazy-delicious, but it only cost me eight bucks, and I left full of cake from a pan. The staff was friendly, every entree I saw on the menu was less than eight bucks, the place was cozy and the service was fast. It was like IHOP without the wait (but still complete with crazy homeless dude).