Just Do It, Just Cut Down All the Trees

Picky: This is the trouble with Dallas: nitpickers. Whenever the city begins to make some progress, out they come with the complaints. Take the city's decision to go ahead with plans to build a whitewater kayaking facility on the Trinity River. "Hey, that sounds fun," right-thinking people say, but then along come the nitpickers who point out that the section of the river with the park is just a touch poo-ish. It has nearly twice the level of waste-borne bacteria the state recommends as safe for "contact recreation," the ever-negative Morning News reported Tuesday.

Pfft. This is Dallas, people. Are we really going to let a little crap stand in the way of us and progress? If we're not willing to swallow a little shit, how will we ever accept anything good that comes out of City Hall?

Oh, but the namby-pamby environmentalism clogging the pipes of forward-thinking Dallas doesn't stop just there. Consider the brouhaha that arose over the weekend when a few trees were chopped down at the corner of Elm and Harwood streets downtown. Now, every good Texan knows that "tree" is just another word for "potential firewood," but nevertheless some folks commenting on the Observer's blog Unfair Park seemed upset that a little bit of greenery was trimmed away from downtown, which has plenty of trees already, thank you very much. We can't think of any just now, but we're certain they're there.

When Lincoln Properties, which manages the property for its out-of-town owners, ordered the trees at Elm and Harwood chopped down over the weekend, what was the loss? Now, passersby can get a much better view of that big honking Nike® ad beautifying the otherwise plain side of a building at the corner. In fact, the trees were chopped down because they were already badly damaged from a pruning they underwent in February so that folks could enjoy clear views of that dramatic and tasteful Nike® image, which we must say does much more to improve the aesthetics of downtown than any arbor.

Nevertheless, Lincoln Properties' Laurie Garcia says they're planting new trees "as soon as possible."

"I like to keep any living item intact to the extent of my ability, but in this case it wasn't possible," she told Unfair Park editor Robert Wilonsky.

Damn hippie.

But don't worry, Nike®. There are still right-thinking Dallasites grateful for your contribution to the city, and Buzz will do everything we can to support you. Provided, of course, you send us a check. We could use the money to buy a kayak. —Patrick Williams