Cheap Bastard

Tuk Tuk Has Some Mighty Tasty TIT. (That's Thai Iced Tea.)

Yesterday I was having a monster shitty day—ya know, like really, really bad. Two and a Half Men bad. Bad like the kind of day Tiger's been having ever since we all found out that he's been sinkin' some unholy holes-in-one. A day that's as shitty at being a day as Miley Cyrus is at being a singer. This day was so full of shit, so Gigli-y, that I had to call in the big guns to save it: It was high time for a Thai iced tea. If you're having yourself a fart-hole of a day and you sit down and sip on some Thai iced tea, I promise all your worries will melt away. Not only is it delicious, but the acronym for the drink is TIT.

On my quest for a day-saving TIT, I discovered Tuk Tuk, a little Asian restaurant surrounded by the Elm Street Campisi's on three sides (much like Thailand itself would be, were Cambodia, Laos and Myanmar to unite into a single nation). What the crap is a Tuk Tuk? I'm glad you asked. According to the Tuk Tuk Web site (if you Google it, be sure to get the correct spelling or you'll end up at an entirely different kind of restaurant) a "tuk-tuk" is a motorized rickshaw. I prefer to think of a tuk-tuk as a chicken-headed Sasquatch since finding out that it's just a freaking rickshaw was a letdown majora.

So, I walk up to the counter at Chicken-Headed Sasquatch, and I order one large TIT and the spicy basil noodles. My TIT was tasty, as expected. And while my noodles looked yummy, they were thin ricestick noodles rather than the wide ones that I'm used to, and that was a little weird, but not as weird as the fact that the dish included both matchstick slices of bell pepper and matchstick slices of unseeded jalapeño. My stomach was like, "Are you fucking kidding me with this green pepper/jalapeño pepper mystery shit, Alice?! Seriously? Gah!! You're so much like your asshole!"

The service there was great, and my meal was really good. Day-changer good. I'll be getting Tuk-Tuk-ed up again way too soon.