Cheap Bastard

Shanghai Serves Up Badass Chinese Foods.

Recently, one of the kabillions of Cheap Bastard superfans asked, "Is there any way you can write a review about a restaurant without using any 4-letter words???? GUESS NOT." It's the truth: 4-letter words are the worst. And since I write to please you, today's review doesn't contain any words containing a number of letters equal to three added to one. Not a one. You asked for it, and I'm delivering those shits. You're welcome!

Shanghai Restaurant. Found out about these folks because of their classic super-horribly-designed-flier-rubber-banded-to-my-doorknob strategy. The flier claims Shanghai Restaurant is under new management, which according to online reviews is a great thing. If you can get one of these fliers for yourself pre-visit, get one: It has a few badass coupons on it, including a buy-cinco-get-one-for-no-money lunch coupon. Fucks yes!

I heard the service at Shanghai was Gigli crappy, so instead of setting myself up for a possibly horrific service experience, I ordered my lunch carry-out. But, if you're interested in dining in, their website describes Shanghai as "mid-formal—white tablecloths beneath clear plastic." Sounds pretty fuckin' fancy. I would refer to it as crackhead casual, probably because I was wearing dirty sweats. For you, it's a safer bet to go ahead and pop the collar and put on those expensive flippy floppies.

Shanghai Restaurant offers 18 different lunches for $6.50. I chose the chicken General Tso-style (Wow! Still crunchy, sweet and delicious after a 15-minute drive), the lo mein-y noodles (Generously sauced for maximum meinitude. Seriously enjoyed horking these up. Highly recommend.) and the crabmeat rangoons (Shitballs, these things are great! Perfect ratio of cream cheese to crabmeat. Which, for me is 80/20. I heart American Chinese). Yes, a ridiculous amount of lunch. And yes, I'm a Fatty McFatso lunch whore. If you get stupid hungry, too, get yourself Shanghai's "Biggy Special," which gives you a quarter larger entrée for a dollar extra. Mmmmm. You can taste the extra MSG.

My lunch at Shanghai Restaurant was the delicious-est Americanized Chinese eaten by me in a while. But if you prefer a traditional Chinese entrée, Shanghai Restaurant offers plenty of those, too.