Leprechauns Find End of the Rainbow. It’s Drunk.

Around 11 a.m. Saturday, dust off your green wig and drag your Irish-for-a-Day ass to Blackwell Street and Greenville Avenue for the 35th Annual Greenville Avenue St. Patrick’s Day Parade. (Good luck finding parking. You should most definitely take the DART. Or parachute in.) The Dallas Mavericks are the presenting sponsor of this year’s parade, so expect Mavs floats, Mavs mascots, Mavs dancers and hope for Mavs boobs (Dancer boobs or man boobs. Either will be stunning). There will be green beer. There will be women yelling, “WOOOOO!” and then laughing as their faces hit concrete. There will be a St. Patrick’s Day Concert featuring Ludacris. There will be green strollers with tiny crying leprechauns in them. There will be more than 125,000 people there, plus you. You will love all of it. You will remember none of it. Your mom wants you to get a cab. For more info, visit dallasstpatricksparade.com.
Sat., March 15, 11 a.m., 2014