How 'Bout Them Knockers: Dallas Gourmet Grill

Dallas Gourmet Grill
16601 Addison Rd., Addison

Promised delivery time: 55 minutes
Actual delivery time: 52 minutes

The Score
They're giving the orders (at least that's what it feels like): 0
Precision of ordering process because they're giving the orders: 20
Precision of delivery: 9
Not having to make small talk with driver: 16
Beef cooked to level orange choking threat: -12
Fajitas delivered warm: 5
Flour tortillas delivered warm: 3
Fact that they deliver steaks: 30

Total: 71

Overall Standings

On paper, the very presence of this place is cause to celebrate. With its menu of fried catfish, lasagna and steaks--yep, T-bones, New York strips and ribeyes--Dallas Gourmet Grill moves us well past the days of pizza and Chinese delivery...and one step closer to the glorious day when drivers bring both food and alcohol to our doorsteps.

Um...lost my train of thought.

But this Addison-based restaurant isn't that cool. When I called, the guy on the other end of the phone dealt with my order in a perfunctory manner, turning the process into a no-frills, staccato exchange. No "hello, this is Dallas Gourmet Grill, may I..." stuff, just a clipped demand: "order."

Yes sir. I'll have fajitas, sir.

"Number." I tell him.

"55 minutes."

That's it--a purely economical and efficient conversation, almost military in its concern for the customer. The delivery struck the same perfunctory chord: a shade under being precisely on time, no flair or extraneous pleasantry, just a simple drop off. Like ordering an artillery strike or something.

It's perfect for a joint that delivers old-school meat and potatoes type meals.

I've driven past the joint several times, however. It's a storefront tucked into a mangy strip dominated by the one lone gas station on the stretch that begins when Inwood emerges from 635 and ends at Trinity Mills, so I didn't expect much...especially in the way of fajitas sizzle. There's just no way to keep the dish popping on a cast iron skillet that long.

Instead of a steaming show, you get strands of tough, chewy beef, a bunch of nicely sauteed onion slices, four hunks of green pepper and a single fragment of red pepper, all saved in foil and dripping with juice that tastes suspiciously of Herb-Ox bouillon--a surprisingly nice flavor when it soaks into vegetables but rather unnecessary when it comes to a supposedly hearty meat dish.

At least they try, including decent salsa, packets of sour cream and a container of greenish paste meant to pass for guacamole.

It's edible, and that counts for something--especially when the place promises to deliver steak and fries, 16-oz. double cheeseburgers and other hefty, artery-clogging indulgences. I mean, ribeye delivered straight to your home, grilled up and ready to eat. Even if you need a saw to get at it, the idea is a good one.

And if they delivered cigars and bourbon as well....