How 'Bout Them Knockers: Pluckers

Each week in 'Knockers' we order from a different delivery restaurant, assessing their efficiency and keeping a running score.

Pluckers

5500 Greenville Ave.
(214) 363-9464

Promised Delivery Time: 60-75 minutes
Actual Delivery Time: 80 minutes

Scoring Summary:

Entire order arriving with appropriate sides, sauces, and condiments: 20
Friendly employees with money saving recommendations: 35
The literally named Fire in the Hole wings: 5
Five minutes late on game night: 0
Fried goodness that doesn't cost ten tickets: 30
Baby food burger topping: -20
Ranch liquid to go with that baby food topping: -15
Blue cheese sauce with actual bits of blue cheese: 20

Total Score: 87
(Pluckers is not plucky enough to crack the Top Ten)

Top Ten

See complete 2009 standings here

Maybe it's because of football season or the state fair, but I've been craving greasy food lately.

Who am I kidding? I regularly crave corn dogs and alligator on a stick. Alas, I still haven't paid a visit to the fair, and frozen corn dogs can only curb my addiction for so long. My yearning has only intensified since learning of the new fried concoctions at the fair. Everyone's been talking about the fried butter...but I'm giving my arteries a rest after my recent Pluckers feast.

When my friends and I decided to order Pluckers during Monday Night Football, I hoped our old college favorite would deliver before the fourth quarter. Dallas was playing Carolina, and we expected the wait for any delivery to be fairly long on a rainy game night.

I found a menu online and collected orders. With a group of guys in my midst, the list grew long, so I clenched my teeth and picked up the phone--which rang over twenty times before a hostess eventually answered. She transferred me to the friendly delivery guy, who quickly rued the lengthy order.

I was ordering four different types of wings, so he suggested a 30 piece basket that would save me money. Maybe the recession is ending--hard to tell from here--but not many restaurants I frequent have been offering advice on how to save money without it benefitting them somehow. The Pluckers menu lists a whopping 14 different sauces for their crispy wings, and we picked medium and super hot wings. We ordered a little of everything else: Holy Macaroni (fried mac and cheese), fried jalapeños, burgers, and chicken sandwiches. It was a football party, after all.

This is the key: the delivery guy managed to get everything right despite the roars coming from the crowd in the restaurant. I crossed my fingers that he wouldn't confirm my fears about delivery time...then he did.

The guy quoted an hour to an hour fifteen, but we had two mitigating factors: the weather and the Cowboys game. We opened beer after beer and waited for our delivery.

The rain and the game dragged on. Neither the Panthers nor the Cowboys had scored by the end of the first half and I realized that our food should be arriving at any moment. But it didn't and...OK, so it was just five minutes past the longer of the two stated times. And the delivery guy was apologetic for the short delay.

I guess we didn't care. We devoured the food before halftime was over.

The ominous Fire in the Hole elicited tears after one bite. I'm not one for food that makes me cry, so I passed on those. The medium buffalo and spicy ranch wings were good, but the accompanying ranch sauce was far too runny. Most of us opted for the chunk blue cheese sauce, but we quickly ran out of it despite ordering extra.

The crowd favorite was Holy Macaroni, and we were left wishing we had ordered more. The fried mac and cheese sticks were creamy and surprisingly not greasy. The Marley sandwich, comprised of a sad chicken filet with onions and honey mustard, resembled high school cafeteria food. My Black and Bleu burger arrived overcooked and topped with mushy blue cheese and onions worthy of a Gerber jar. Yet one of my friends said his Big Easy sandwich- like the Marley but with jalapeños- was not as miserable as the other chicken sandwich.

I think we'll be sticking to wings and fried stuff from now on.

As the second half of the game began, I glanced at what remained of our order: only three Fire in the Hole wings. My guy friends were more than happy to chime in with their opinions of the food. "Awesome!" "I want more Holy Macaroni." "Don't they have fried Twinkies? I'm pretty sure they have fried Twinkies."

We checked the online menu and never found fried Twinkies. I called a few days later, and, yes, they do serve that fair staple too. I'll be ordering those after Big Tex bids farewell.