Eat This

And The Winner Is...

OK, so I should have had this thing posted half an hour ago.

But, you see, I just finished a long conversation with Jesse "Hophead" Hughey on the relative value of doing beer flights in a crowded pub. Before that I was involved in a discussion about rye whiskey. Then our receptionist--I wasn't harassing her, I had important business in the lobby--started talking about the long term damage done by sororities to the notion of serious drinking. I believe it's the basis for her doctoral thesis--or should be, anyway.

Think I had a couple of deadlines, too. Such is a typical Friday at the Observer.

Good news, prize-wise: I "found" a box of candy cigarettes in Wilonsky's office. Bad news: we're not giving them away.

So, as always (or almost always), this week's winners receive nothing. And the non-winners are...

Let's start with some advice from Some Guy: "Go to any town or church sponsored picnic or dinner in Lavaca county and you will be happy!"

We're guessing scantilly clad servers bring all-you-can-eat foie gras at Lavaca county church suppers.

Next, we like this from it's LIN dammit, dave (guessing he's the wine guy at Goody Goody whose name I can never seem to remember): "wine seems to bring out both the humility and the arrogance in people. you should not have to work to enjoy wine. the best wine is what YOU like. complexity is not necessarily an indicator of quality!"

Summed up wine in, in four sentences.

One primi timpano gave this simple and advice to breakfast joints: "A restaurant serving eggs benedict with canned hollandaise either should get out of the business or take it off the menu."

Then twinwillow did a quick survey of burger spots in Dallas that may never be topped, since it took him/her a long time: "I was a great fan of Twisted Root when they first opened but, I soon tired of overcooked dry burgers. They put breadcrumbs in their burger meat. Why? I hated Mooyah. It's an In-N-Out burger wanna be that'll never be. Maple and Motor burger is very good but I'm going to try Adair's next. I haven't been to Adair's since they used to be on Cedar Springs. And that was a million years ago!"

Frequent commenter knottygirl picked this from the Out Of Order column: "'Chewy, lukewarm calamari curled around blazing hot pineapple chunks.' I just know there's a dirty joke in there somewhere."

Why then can't we think of it?

Responding to the bit of nostalgia about The Riviera, runDMC wrote: "What I miss most about the Riviera is not being someone's best friend. It still hurts. Everytime I walked in the door, Franco would surreptitiously glance at the reservations list and then tell me how much he had missed me. Me. I know he meant it."

Jeff showed a little more sensitivity to restaurants than we do at COA: "For what it's worth, it doesn't sound like a place I'd enjoy, but personally, I'm glad that it seems to be doing well. Maybe I'll try it sometime when I'm sucked into the MegaWholeFoods that they're putting behind the Park Lane development - then again, I probably won't."

Back to Out Of Order: MD commented: "Congratulations on having your food order acknowledged by the waitstaff as being that of a dumbass. If I wanted weird food combos, I'd talk to a pregnant chick."

OK--so he's somewhat less sensitive than Jeff. So be it--the comment is non-prize-worthy. As is this from Maximus: "A few weeks back we walked into the Legacy location, took a whiff, and immediately left. Smelled like horse piss and rotted shrimp. Could have been the gaggle of cougars huddled around the bar, but unlikely. They generally smell like yard sale purchased Mary Kay cologne and Massengill. I know that scent anywhere."

Maximus freaked us out. Brilliant.

Gipson is always one for a food fight. This week, he responded to another reader with: "@ carrots are great: my wife will tell ya, my jerk parts are always functioning Thanks for asking."

The question of ingredients or flavor added a couple more non-winning comments to the roll. From knottygirl: "I prefer good flavor myself. Fresh, local, organic, life-affirming, etc. ingredients are all well and good, but if the final version is bland, who cares?" Gotta love life-affirming food. And from Simulated Jim Leff: "Several years ago, I wrote an article called, 'How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Artificial Flavors.' If artificial tastes better than real, pass the artificiality."

But two comments really stood out this week.

We're not sure whether Scagnetti was saying that one was good or both were bad, but there's bound to be a warning in here somewhere: "Avila's was featured on Diners, Drive Ins, and Dives. The Windmill was voted the Observer's Best Bar & Best Jukebox of 2009."

The biggest non-winner this week, however, was Worzel Gummidge, who wrote: "If only cepelinai were Italian. They would be revered as sophisticated food the way that grits are."

So very true.