Lettuce Wrap Up: Of Miami BBQ Sucks, Douche-bars, and Magnums

There was plenty still going on with In-N-Out and food trucks this week, but I think we all need some time off. Instead, Dallas blogs have soda-and-burger paintings, fighting words about sous-vide and sweaters, and Miami spurting some nonsense. Read on.

City of Ate
Jenny Block had a beautiful time at the ever-so-slightly pretentious Dragonfly, until a gaggle of women in short skirts bounded in and (somehow) ruined the fun.

Even though the owner of La Hacienda Ranch is the dude who invented the frozen margarita machine and should be dressed in jewels, Alice Laussade said that $8.49 is asking too much for a taco and enchilada.

There is at least one person out there who can tolerate Guy Fieri. His name is Andrew Marton.

Ever had $180 beer? Our taste experts said, "It's okay."

Anthony Marks nearly butchered a chicken. Perhaps eating meat would be more ethical if people slaughtered animals themselves. Because, I guess, the world would be a better, cleaner and happier place if we removed farming and meat processing jobs and people used their patios to spill blood and scrape out innards. Animals taste better if you coo at them while cutting their throats.

Apparently, your grandma was an outlaw and your homeroom teacher supported the mafia -- but a new law could get them off the hook. Lauren Drewes Daniels reported on a new bill that would allow home bakers to legally sell their tasty goods. The kind with the flour and the sugar and the baking, we mean.

Seth Cohn reminded us what mustard tastes like. I prefer mayo too, but that's probably my filthy Yankee blood talking.

Miami says their barbecue is better than ours. Next they'll be saying their crime rate is higher, too.

Side Dish
Though this technically happened last week, I can't resist re-hashing an alleged dispute between chefs John Tesar and Nick Badovinus. Supposedly, they hurled insults about sweaters and sous-vide burgers. How delicious.

And then Daniel Walker wrote the lines, "the prospects of wrapping their lips around these breakfast beauties first thing in the morning" and "tortillas gently caress the taco filling resting comfortably inside." He was referring to breakfast tacos, but I'd wager that something Freudian is happening.

Nancy Nichols calls for people to suggest douchey bars. Considering City of Ate's penchant for that adjective, I can't believe we haven't done that already.

Kristy Albert manages to eat cheaply at Tortas La Hechizera. The food sounds good, but the sans-profanity report is vaguely disappointing.

Tomorrow is National Cognac Day. So.

Pegasus News

It doesn't seem like learning to be a vegan is hard. You only eat celery and things handed to you by people in plaid shirts and wool caps. For people who need a refresher, chef Christy Morgan offers this cooking series.

Magnum (supposedly different from the condom company) puts vanilla ice cream on a stick and coats it in chocolate. Klondike and Dove said there is something eerily familiar going on.

Escape Hatch Dallas

Every time we drive by Four Sisters Café, my parents begin a chorus of, "What is that? What is that?" We can put the mystery to bed. It's a "new casual upscale concept," and it's opening "probably sometime next week." Glad that's cleared up.

Crave DFW

Check out a Rahr Brewery tour that helps more than just your buzz. Bring a folding chair.

We can insist that the white trash pockets of Texas are just misunderstood, but pairing Burger King burgers with soft drinks is difficult to explain away. Instead, Crave DFW just wants you to caption it.