The Problem With... Bruno Mars' "It Will Rain"

I guess the reason I dislike Bruno Mars so much is that his sensitive, artistic bad boy image likely only appeals to impressionable young girls.

That's probably why Bruno's "It Will Rain" is synergisticly matched with the upcoming movie in the Twilight series. Bruno's library and Twilight are both fairly tame, accessible ways to present unrealistic ideas about romance to their target audience. 

They're also both pretty badly written.

"It Will Rain" starts with a piano chord that suggests those teen drama shows that used to air on The WB, which I guess is The CW now. The song presents Bruno as either a vampire (based on the lack of sunlight) or a werewolf (based on the howling after the chorus). Uh, pick a side, dammit! 

The song also starts off with an iffy drug reference: "If you ever leave me, baby / leave some morphine at my door." Morphine probably turned up in the lyrics to make a relatively "safe" reference to drugs, 'cause I don't think it does what Bruno thinks it does. He likely meant to ease the pain of losing the subject instead of making the user "realize." Yes, that's the bad writing I was talking about. 

Another odd line ("I'll pick up these broken pieces till I'm bleeding") calls back the dramatic masochism from Mars' past single "Grenade." I can only imagine seeing a guy at the door with bloody hands carrying chunks of blood-stained metaphorical something that hasn't even been put back together yet. 

All in all, I wouldn't count on Bruno for the forecast.