Idol Rich: CJ Inexplicably a B3

America gave up 33 million votes last night. I'm not sure who I would've swapped Big Mike for to keep him out of the Bottom Three, but I would've definitely put Aaron Kelly in there instead of Fort Worth's Casey James

The B3 announcement came relatively quickly in the show, after a Rascal Flatts performance and the Ford music video--which was an incredibly schlocky Twilight-costumed version of The Bravery's "Believe."

Don't watch it unless you need a good laugh or oxygen-rich sigh. I wouldn't even provide a screen grab, but for those of you who find CJ as attractive as Kara DioGuardi thinks he is, you might enjoy watching it with the volume turned down.

See it after the jump...


So there's that. 

Seacrest must have HCD (host compulsive disorder) or something, because he just loves to put the Idols into little groups on stage and then move them around and dick them around before finally just coming clean with who's on first, etc.

Crystal Bowersox, Lee DeWyze (I'm fine with him this week, btw, after his version of Shania Twain's "You're Still the One") and Aaron Kelly (I don't even want to talk about it) were sent to SafeCouch. Big Mike and CJ were left hanging with Siobhan Magnus (who had fun with "Any Man of Mine" but seemed to lag a bit behind the band during the verses).

But, you know, before the ax falls, we gotta have a shit-ton--I looked it up, that's the technical television term--of random performances. Those Idol folks had to stretch that sucker into an hour of "quality" television. 

Sons of Sylvia? Oh, sweet jeebus, no. Sculpty sorta-mullets and electric violins and deep lunges, oh my. Carrie Underwood introduced them and I would've fast forwarded them but my WTF-mouth was open for too long and they were done. Then we got Lady Antebellum a little drunk and needing each other. 

Oh, and lest we forget, Shakira debuted "Gypsy" as a duet with Rascal Flatts. There was still much to be witnessed in the hip-shaking department...because I know you were worried. But here's the really interesting part: Shakira pulled from US history when asked what advice she had for the young performers: "It comes to my mind, that sentence, that quote from Roosevelt. It's a very beautiful one. It says, keep your eyes on the stars, but remember to keep your feet on the ground. So that's what I would say to them." 

And, OF COURSE, Ryan Seacrest [full name for emphasis] had to try and correct her on live TV and tell her she was mistaken and it was Casey Kasem who said, "Keep your feet on the ground, but keep reaching for the stars." And she looked fairly embarrassed but handled it well.

Except, see, Shakira was actually right, Ryan.

She added the "but remember to keep" part (which I feel is totally acceptable since she was recalling from memory), but 26th POTUS Theodore Roosevelt really did say that.

So, well done, asshat. Maybe the Learning Annex has that class on tact and humility you've been needing for weeks now.

And you're worried now, right? Because I've told you a bunch of stuff that doesn't really pertain to our good ol' boy, and you're frettin' that Goldilocks got booted. Well... don't. He kept his boots and curls in order. But glassblower Siobhan wasn't so lucky. At least she got to reprise her glass-shattering version of "Think" by Aretha Franklin. (TUrban didn't get his swan song last week, WTF?)

Next week: Harry Connick, Jr. will mentor the Idols as they take on classic Frank Sinatra songs.

Now, that should be interesting for Casey.