Things To Do

The Untold BedPost Confessions

Tonight, the Kessler Theater (1230 W. Davis St.) is presenting BedPost Confessions, "a fabulous and diverse group of sexy writers, readers, and actors with performances about sex, sensuality, and the steamy side of life."

"Fabulous and diverse?" We haven't been to one of these shows before, but it sounds like they're focusing on a pretty narrow set of bedpost-havers. Namely, the sexy ones.

Just a guess, but we're pretty sure these BedPost Confessions won't be among the stories you hear tonight...

Cat Bedpost Confessions

"I spend at least 23 hours of the day licking my butt on your bed. In fact, I'm licking my butt at you right now and you probably didn't even notice. That's how good I am at licking my own butt. What am I doing that other hour of the day? Tweeting. Probably about butt licks."

Gamer Bedpost Confessions

"I haven't changed my sheets since A Clash of Kings came out."

Toddler Bedpost Confessions

"Yeah, I just pooped at 2:13 a.m. Now I'm gonna cry until someone else cleans it up. Then, you know what I'mma do? Wait five minutes and shit myself again. On purpose. Where's my chocolate milk, BTDub? I know I had chocolate milk in my fuckin' rider. Bedpost confessions."

Confessions from Actual Bedposts

(Sobbing) "I tell people I'm oak, but this is all just shitty plywood. It's all a lie!"

If you're into hearing sexy people talk about all the sexy stuff that happens to them in their sexy bed place, go to the Kessler Theater at 8 p.m. and check out BedPost Confessions. Julie Gillis will emcee and you'll hear readings from Sadie Smythe, Rosie Q., and Dallas performers Roy G Bivs, Charisse Lyn and our own Mixmaster contributor, Jenny Block.