Your toddler just dropped a Cheerio on the floor and said, "Aww, motherfucking dickjob!" We've all been there. But what do you do about it? (After you take a video of it happening one more time, because these days your happiness is based on Facebook "likes" and this moment will be worth at least 300 points.)
Welp, Dallas mother, Chris Kent Phelps says that this moment calls for a Tacky Box. What exactly is a Tacky Box? I'm glad you asked. Because, I had questions, too. Including, but not limited to: How is tackybox.com not a porn site? (As the owner of meatfight.com, this is usually the first question that comes to my mind, whether or not the website sounds porny at all. But this one is definitely gonna get them some fancy spam. Also betting that fancyspam.com is a porn site. But, I digress.)
Turns out, the Tacky Box is a box. Whenever your kid hears a "tacky" word, they write it down on a piece of paper and put that piece of paper into the box. (Which words are tacky, though? Tacky Box only seems to define them as four-letter words, but which ones? There are a lot of four-letter words. But not all four-letter words are tacky. For instance, I know they can't mean "ruby tits," because that's fancy and would not be tacky at all. And I'm pretty sure there are some more-than-four-letter words that are pretty tacky. Like "Oklahoma." I really hope the kit they sell has a list in it.) This process is supposed to help them get the word out of their head, and then it helps them never say that word ever. Allegedly.
The press release says this of the Tacky Box's powers:
"Every child will be exposed to tacky language and behavior, no matter how much parents want to shelter them. When the inevitable occurs, Tacky Box equips children with the skills to distinguish between what's appropriate and inappropriate and encourages them to proactively choose how to respond. Inspiring kindness rather than tackiness, Tacky Box Set arms parents with everything they need to help their child navigate the jungle, kind heart and good manners intact."
They additionally allege that this whole process will inspire your kid to keep their friends' language in check, too. Once Sally gets the hang of spelling out dirty words, she'll be sure to tell her friends at elementary school to stop being so tacky. So basically, the Tacky Box is supposed to change your kid from a dickhead into a douchebag.
And I think we can all agree that that would be an improvement. Considering that your dirty-mouthed-sailor toddler pretty much sucks right now.
The box kit, complete with a beautifully illustrated book and a notepad for writing "poop boobs" on, is a mere $29.95. I sincerely hope it works for your little fuckin' angel.
