10 Freaky, Weird and Possibly Sexy Things To Do on Valentine's Day in Dallas

Dear Romantics, I'd like to apologize in advance for this list of amore-rich dating ideas. You see, I'm an overextended writer who forgot what love was ages ago. My heart is actually made of diamond now, and not the naturally-occurring timelapsed compression of carbon that you're most familiar with -- that would have a certain charm to it. Mine is composed of that synthetically produced variety that scientists create in labs.

You know, the really sterile kind.

So when Valentine's Day rolls around, it's possible that I'm not Cupid's Ace Pick to guide you through all of the standard romantic gestures -- Edible Arrangements deliveries and his/her bearskin bathrobes -- but you know what? I'm all you got. And with that, here's ten freaky, weird and possibly sexy ways to get all seductual with your special someone -- or someones, if you roll like that.

1.) Romance Dinner Rodeo --Medieval Times tips its crown to young lovers on Thursday night with an AMAZING date package. For $99 you get a split of champagne and two commemorative glasses (smuggle in gin and you've got French 75s!), a commemorative scroll, a photo, some flags to cheer on your knight (the Green Knight is of questionable valor, I'd ask to be reseated), and TWO TRIPS TO THE DUNGEON!

Seriously, if things have been shaky in your relationship lately, this is the answer. The best way to make a lady feel like a princess is to take her on a date to a GIANT CASTLE. Make a reservation in advance; if last year is any indication, this night will sell out. Use the totally righteous telephone number 1-800-We-Joust.