So, All Things Considered, Would You Trade Places With Tiger Woods?

Fame. Fortune. Females. Ah, the life.

Tiger Woods has it all. Except as of last week, of course, he needs a new driver.

I'd love to hit a 210-yard 6-iron. I'd love to win a Major or 14. Truth to be told, I'd love me some Elin, too. I'd love for my image to be worth 10 times my golf game. I'd love to be the most recognizable sports face on the planet. I'd like not to be not forced to avoid police for three days while I think of a way to twist the truth, but seems like a no-brainer trade-off.

But, I dunno, I also cherish my privacy.

I can be a drunk dork and no one's the wiser. I can run my car into a tree, have some bloodmouth and it won't show up on the nightly news or the daily blogs. I can flirt with a New York hostess and the National Enquirer wouldn't flinch

So I ask you, wouldja?

In exchange for the perfect golf swing, an immaculate wife and limitless, eternal wealth, would you give up - basically - your life?

Me? No thanks.

I think.

P.S. If I'm innocent of the Enquirer's allegations, I sue. Tiger says "I'm human and I'm not perfect." A couple years ago, however, he told an Irish newspaper that was lying about his wife: "I'm suing."