What About Arthur and Archie, the Forgotten Victims In the Dwaine Caraway Dispute?

I guess everybody thinks the Dwaine and Barbara Caraway marital discord story is over, now that Dallas Mayor Pro Tem Dwaine Caraway has confessed he called the cops to his house because he was having a fight with his wife. Well, it's not over for this cowboy.

I need answers.

On January 2 city council member Caraway called Dallas Police Chief David Brown and asked him to send an elite team of investigators to his home to investigate a disturbance. Caraway later told reporters the disturbance involved two guests, "Arthur and Archie," who were arguing about football.

Days afterward, Caraway confessed to his council colleagues it was he who had been arguing with his wife, state Rep. Barbara Mallory Caraway, one of the city's most beautiful women.

And that's supposed to make it go away? Caraway asked the media for forbearance, explaining that he was trying to patch up matters at home. Representative Caraway dodged the press. Fine. Here's what I want to know.

What about Arthur and Archie?

Their names have been dragged through the mud. We're not even sure who they are. My colleague, Robert Wilonsky, speculated in a story meeting the other day that they could be the famous kiddie characters. Maybe they're social friends of the Caraways. But even if they're just regular guys, it's still not right.

For example there has been speculation -- and I emphasize it is only that, nothing more, just speculation -- that Ms. Mallory Caraway found out something about Arthur, Archie and the Mayor Pro Tem. What, I don't know. No idea. But it just goes to show. You can't just toss people's names out there.

Then we have the matter of the elite police investigative team. What is this elite team? What is it called? And to whose home may it be dispatched? To the home of an ordinary citizen like myself who might be spoken to disrespectfully by his spouse late of a night? I could use the help. But I bet they only go to the homes of mayors pro tem. What are they, the Dallas Police Arthur and Archie Squad?

And what is a mayor pro tem, anyway? Really, only Arthur and Archie can answer these questions. They must come forward. I think we should call for a joint press conference -- the mayor pro tem, the police chief, Arthur, Archie and the entire Dallas Police Arthur and Archie Squad. If nothing else, I would like to see their uniforms.

Meanwhile, as for Mrs. Caraway? I'd leave her strictly alone, if you know what's good for you.