The Dallas Morning News recently ran a story about local marriage proposal services available in Dallas. Here's how it works, according to the story:
The Yes Girls' full Dallas Marriage Proposal Package -- which includes the planning and execution of a proposal -- goes for just under $3,500. More elaborate productions, which can cost up to $10,000, have involved wine tastings, renting out restaurants and nightclubs, and staging the proposals at the Dallas Arboretum and the ballpark.
As someone who was proposed to in an apartment complex parking lot, I'm confused about what exactly one needs to pay for in order to take a knee.
I understand the cost that can be involved in the purchase of an engagement ring (if you choose not to go the "Here's a gummy Lifesaver, I love you" route), but the services that Yes Girls and other marriage proposal services offer do not include the cost of the ring. They're just charging you for whatever ridiculous fanfare you want to be happening while you're asking someone to spend the rest of his or her life with you.
And the Arboretum? It's a garden, people, not the space station.
If you don't puke when you read this next quote from their piece from Sharon Naylor, wedding expert and author of The Groom's Guide, we're different: "Grooms are busy, so when they find out they can make a call to an event coordinator to help them arrange for that proposal on the Jumbotron, or reserve the ballpark, or hire musicians, or arrange for a fireworks display, they're very much interested in getting a pro to handle all the details."
In other word, this:
"Are you a dude who doesn't know how he wants to propose to his significant other, who has $10,000 burning a hole in his pocket, and who -- most importantly -- thinks that his significant other's happiness is directly related to the approval of others? If so, you should pay a third-party planning service to help you spend that money on camera crews and flowers and to drain all the personal intimacy right out of this life moment."
And it appears to be working. Yes Girls claims that so far this year, they have planned 10 proposals in Dallas. This only proves to me that my list of Top 10 Things I'd Spend $10,000 On is worlds different than these people. I'm betting their list doesn't even include the words "giant barbecue-sauce bathtub."
The News headline for the story is maybe the worst part of this whole thing: "Is your bride worth it?" they ask. Is she worth it? I would have preferred something more like, "Are you a desperate, rich dumbass who can't even be bothered to figure out how to take a knee for your future forever-person on your own?" But maybe that exceeds the optimal headline word count.
The asking isn't the hardest part of a marriage. If you can't handle that on your own, maybe stick with not being married for a little while longer. There. I just saved you 10 grand. You owe me a barbecue sauce bathtub.