Dallas Weekend Weather: Enjoy Yourself Before The Sun Consumes Us All

Yes. That was the entire period between icepocalypse and the fiery king of the heavens moving to within eight inches of the surface of Texas. Did you blink? Then I'm sorry, you missed the entire thing.

All of that patio weather, gone. Every chance you had to go outside without either falling over on some ice or breathing in the pure liquid fire of a Dallas summer, gone. From here on in until, ooh, October or so, it'll be pure misery every day. How's your air conditioning? Is it working well? I hope it's working well.

There is one saving grace, though. This weekend. Any plans you had for the entire summer should probably be compressed into the space of the next 48 hours. Did you plan a big family gathering by a lake? Move it forward. How about playing some sports? Combine all the sports into the small window of May 3-4. It is going to be blissful out there this weekend. As you know, I've never been wrong before, but just to make sure, because I value your readership, I turned to the only expert worth knowing about.

Will you just look at that? I like to consider 90 the very top window of bearable, so basically this is about as hot as it'll get while it's still comfortable to be outside. Midweek, as you can see, brings thunderstorms in near-90 degree weather, which I think is the worst of all possible worlds. Thanks Jesus.

YOUR WEEKEND WEATHER SUMMARY Holy crap. It's your last chance to be outside for five months.