Segway Into Dallas

If you wanna look this cool--and you know you do, because this is how cool people really look--slide into Dallas' first Segway dealership when it opens across from SMU this weekend.

You know, guys, I was just thinking. We haven't had an exorbitant rise in gas prices in at least 20 minutes. Could somebody get on that? Oh, never mind. Thanks, severe Alaskan oil pipeline corrosion. I can rest easy knowing there's a $75 tank of gas in my near future. Now somebody get me a Wetnap so I can wipe this sarcasm off my chin. It's all gooey and sticky.

Speaking of gooey and sticky, that's what you'll be after you buy a gas-saving Segway Human Transporter at the new Dallas dealer on Mockingbird Lane and ride it around outside for 15 seconds. David Ford, who owns DFW Segway in Hurst, says on that he's opening his second store across from the SMU bookstore just off North Central Expressway. Doors open August 12. The sad part is, I'll have $75 for a tank of gas long before I've got $5,000 to drop on one of the scooters. Oil crisis, I am your bitch. --Andrea Grimes