Dallas police had a busy weekend, as they always do. There were lots of reports of petty theft, minor assaults, and traffic accidents. There were also these gems, pulled from the weekend's police reports:
Saturday, 2:30 a.m.: Michael Stewart, 46, told police he had arranged an all-male threesome with two men he had met on the Internet. Things were progressing in the bedroom until one of the men became angry and punched Stewart in the face, knocking him to the ground and causing him to hit his chin on a glass table.
Stewart, whom police described as "very intoxicated," was taken to the hospital to receive stitches. The third man told officers that he wasn't in the room when the assault occurred and so didn't see the punch but that, yes, he had come for an Internet-arranged threesome. Police classified the incident as an aggravated assault but made no arrests.
Saturday, 3:45 a.m.: A 28-year-old woman, Zina Marie Sohrabian, was wandering around the second floor of the Sheraton Hotel downtown, screaming obscenities at passersby. Hotel staff asked Sohrabian, who was not staying at the hotel, to leave. She refused.
A police officer who accompanied hotel staff placed Sohrabian under arrest for criminal trespass and led her from the building. But Sohrabian wasn't going down without a fight. As she was being led from the hotel to the squad car, she lifted her leg and slammed her high heel into the officer's shin, just below his knee.
It hurt like hell, but the cop managed to get her into the back seat and close the door. she promptly began kicking at the rear passenger-side window. She didn't manage to break the window but did succeed in causing $500 worth of damage. And with that, Sohrabian managed to add to a minor trespassing charge two extra misdemeanors for resisting arrest and vandalism, plus a felony charge for assaulting a police officer.
Saturday, 11:45 p.m.: Police were on routine patrol in Oak Cliff when they spotted a nervous-looking man walking in jeans and a black hoodie walking in the 3400 block of East Kiest Boulevard.
The man, 29-year-old Christopher Somen Mays, produced his wallet from his back pocket at the officers' request, but his constant attempts to reach into the front pocket of his sweatshirt made them nervous. They began to frisk him and immediately found a large butcher knife.
"That knife is for work," Mays told police. "I cut fish with it."
Mays swore the knife was the only weapon he was carrying, but officers continued the pat-down and felt another hard object in the pocket of the sweatshirt. It was an airsoft gun, albeit one with the orange tip scorched to blackness. Officers asked again if Mays had any more weapons.
"No man, that's all I got," he said.
It didn't take long, however, for the search to reveal a long, hard object running from just above Mays' knee to his waistband. It was a machete, two feet long. Officers also found a small amount of cocaine. Mays was arrested and charged with unlawfully carrying a weapon and possession of a controlled substance.
Sunday, 8 a.m.: Police found a dead puppy along the side of Foothill Drive in the Rylie neighborhood of far southeast Dallas. Officers concluded it had died of head trauma caused by animal cruelty.
Sunday, 10:30 a.m.: A woman living on Canty Street across from Kidd Springs Park called police when a neighbor, who she believed to be mentally unbalanced, began banging on her door. Officers arrived to find the man calmly sitting in his car. He was locked out of the house he shares with his mother, he told them, and was simply seeking help.
During the course of the conversation, he mentioned that he takes medication to treat his schizophrenia and bipolar disorder -- and that he had just recently purchased an AK-47 and several dozen rounds of ammunition, all of which were in his trunk.
DPD spokesman DeMarquis Black said the man seems to have purchased the gun legally but that officers took it into protective custody, given his admission of severe mental illness. It was taken to the department's property room, where he'll be able to reclaim it at his convenience.