Sorry, Arboretum, But Two More Months of Chihuly and Schlock-Selling is Not a "Gift"

Oh, boy. We all get to go see the Chihuly fake flower show at the Dallas Arboretum for free! I just saw the press release.

The Arboretum is throwing open its doors and letting us all in to see the fake flower show as a holiday gift to the City of Dallas from the Arboretum Board of Directors. This is so great. People like me don't get to see really fancy fake flower shows very often. I am throwing some non-alcoholic brewskis and some Polish sausage in the cooler right now, getting ready to head on down there with my boom box and take a gander.

I haven't read the press release all the way through yet, but I'm so excited about getting in for free to see this show, I wanted to start telling you about it right away. I'm kind of reading and writing at the same time. That's how jazzed I am.

The Arboretum is usually so expensive. It's pretty much a one-percenter place or least a 53-percenter. I'm a 47-percenter myself. Me and the freebies. That's how I roll.

But can this really be free? Yeah, yeah, here it is, right at the top of the press release, from the mayor himself, no less: "The citizens of Dallas will now be able to enjoy the Chihuly exhibition throughout the holiday season because of the generous gift from the Board of Directors," Mayor Mike Rawlings said.

Those directors! Those are some great people, giving us a gift like this. I've heard a lot about this Chihuly. It's all flowers made out of melted glass with lights underneath. At night with Halloween music it's probably scary as shit.

I bet for Halloween they'll have zombies. They'd be crazy not to. I wonder if we can take our own folding chairs with cup holders in there?

OK, I'm reading some more here. It says: "Not only are people visiting the exhibition they are taking Chihuly gift items related to the exhibition home with them..."

Oh, man! You get to take the fake flowers home with you? Damn! I better get over there today, like right now, before that whole exhibit gets ripped out of the ground and stuffed in people's backpacks.

Damn, I wonder what you can get for that Chihuly stuff on E-bay? Probably not much. I mean, how long is something like that going to last in your own yard? Plus, you know it's going to attract dogs.

Wait. Uh-oh. Wait. Spoiler alert. It says people are taking the Chihuly items home, "as gift store sales have reached  nearly $1.3 million." So ... they're selling it off. Well, damn. That's different. I better skip to the end here.

Oh, man! You are kidding me! Look at this! This sucks! It says, "Chihuly at the Dallas Arboretum is open 7 days a week from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m excluding Thanksgiving and Christmas day. General admission is $15 for adults, $12 for seniors (65 and over), and $9 for children ages 12 - 3. Children under 2 and members are free."

So you have to pay fifteen bucks for it! How is that a Christmas gift? It's like the board of directors of the Arboretum shows up at my house on Christmas morning, hands me a fake flower with a ribbon on it and then hands me a bill. That's not what I call a gift.

What is it really? Well now it sounds like trying to milk more money out of this show because maybe they had a slow start after the Winfrey Point debacle. Sounds like maybe nobody else wanted to book the Chihuly show for the winter months. Sounds like, who knows?

All I know is that I'm not going to trust a press release that says somebody's giving the city a Christmas present and then at the bottom it says you have to pay fifteen bucks for it. That's more like the Christmas special at Elbon's Previously Owned Pickup Sales. Thanks for nuthin'.

Damn. Now I've got to dump the ice out of my cooler and put away my folding love seat with ice-compartment cup holders. I still think they should do zombies. Last time I was there I thought that's what they were doing, but it turned out to be a big crowd from the Park Cities. Sure. Fifteen bucks is nothing to them.

Children under 2 are free, though. That's not too bad, as long as you can drop them off.