'Member Those Stephenville UFOs? Friends of the President, Just Maybe.

Turns out all your fears were correct -- if you're among those who believe George W. Bush to be deadly alien spawn or a pod person sent here to blend in and destroy the country from within the comfy confines of the Oval Office. In advance of the Mutual UFO Network Symposium in San Jose next week -- or, as I like to call it, spring break, woo-hoo -- those MUFON'ers have released definitive proof that "Giant UFO Attacks George W. Bush’s Texas Ranch."

Well, that's actually how Wonkette puts it this afternoon in its summation of the 77-page report culled from radar reports taken in and around the Waco and Dallas-Fort Worth areas on January 8, when folks reported seeing that UFO in the skies above Stephenville. As Unfair Park's been up and down all day, mirroring my mood, I'm going to spend much of the day reading the report, which also consists of eyewitness testimony from 17 folks who saw the dangedest thing. But this is one of many highlights from the report's conclusion, for those who like to skip to the end:

To further augment the strangeness of these events, radar tracked one of those two objects for over an hour as it traveled directly toward Crawford Ranch. ... It is clear to the authors that the unknown object was real and not imaginary.
I call dibs on the movie rights. --Robert Wilonsky