Film Reviews

45 Movie Trends That Need to Die Right Now (A Sequel)

Somewhere on Earth right now, an Alf movie is in the works.

Rebooting and rehashing big film ideas isn't a new Hollywood trend, but the modern Hollywood is notable for taking a huge, caustic dump on an already-beloved franchise.

Earlier this year, we noted 55 trends that we thought needed to be blown up like so many buildings in a Michael Bay film. Thanks to Judge Dredd, Total Recall, Paranormal Activity 106, new trailers for G.I. Joe, and the exhausting influx of mostly terrible horror films (Cabin in the Woods was actually awesome), we have a new list.

1. Demonic possession
2. Oh my God! The ghost hand is coming from my hair / mouth / sheets / shirt!
3. Movies with Internet slang as a title
4. The You Already Know This Movie's Bad So We'll Mark Up the Ticket Price By Making It 3D marketing strategy
5. Man, Clint Eastwood sure is angry and alone
6. The found footage / "home video" shot-movie
7. The lack of respect for awesome puppets (AKA Alf being in development)
8. Any future plans with Jurassic Park sequels
9. Ghostbusters 3 without Bill Murrary
10. Sylvester Stallone
11. Arnold Schwarzenegger
12. A Rocketeer reboot
13. Finding Nemo 2
14. Dax Shepard
15. Whatever the hell is happening with the remake of Videodrome
16. The immutably serious fairy-tale adaptation 17. Shockingly boring movies about the Thunder God
18. Lack of appreciation for Guy Pearce
19. Jim Carrey in a kids movie
20. Thinly-veiled attempts to reproduce The Hangover or Bridesmaids
21. Fake IMAX
22. 3D Fake IMAX
23. Characters falling from buildings onto cars unharmed
24. Characters falling through windows unharmed 25. Face punches that leave no marks
26. Characters exposed to space unharmed
27. Bad James Bond movies
28. CGI blood
29. CGI Yoda in a live-action film
30. The superhero origin story
31. Ron Howard thinks he's cool
32. Shitty Dr. Seuss adaptations
33. Fast the Furious: Whatever The Fuck sequels
34. Eddie Murphy
35. We need a African American character so let's cast a famous rapper that can't act
36. Movies based on Hasbro toys
37. The torturous, hair-ripping eternity where commercials are screened before films' trailers, then three hours of trailers, then the movie
38. Milla Jovovich action films
39. Misuse of really funny SNL or Daily Show-based actors
40. "The bullet went clean through so I'm fine" 41. The unbelievable wait in between P.T. Anderson films
42. The superhero learns his super powers montage
43. Perfunctory Liam Neeson casting
44. Oliver Stone sucking
45. Films whose only premise is to revitalize Tom Cruise's career

Bonus ending movie trend: Any future JFK movie not shot in Dallas

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Nick Rallo
Contact: Nick Rallo