Editor: We have so many questions in Austin. Here are 50 of them.
1. Will I like the pedicab costumed as The Hulk if he gets angry? 2. Are we all really just in New York? 3. Is this t-shirt rad? 4. Do you want to get some 'za, which is now absolutely the slang for pizza? 5. How far can you sprint while drunk? 6. How comfortable is riding a bike in nothing but a g-string when you're over 66-years-old? 7. If I pee in the crowd while cheering, will anyone notice? 8. Is this the line for the line? 9. Will my badge get me in to get a badge? 10. Was that Daryl Hannah at CVS?
11. Was that J. Mascis at P.F. Chang's? 12. Was that Billy Bob Thornton's penis? 13. No SRLY, where do I pee? 14. Is that Michael Jackson's ghost at the Driskill Hotel? 15. Does Taco Bell sponsor the white smoke that signals the new pope? If so, is it chiptole-flavored? 16. If I grow a beard, will you know it's me if you see me in heaven? 17. Does my badge get me into the shitting space next to the dumpster? 18. How many breakfast tacos can I eat before I have a psychotic break? 19. Where in the hell are the repent for your sins people? 20. Why are you standing up front if you're Instagramming during the show? 21. Why does your Instagram have so many likes so fast? Can you show me what you did? 22. How badly did it ruin your concert video when I sang along and cried? 23. Is the video on YouTube yet? 24. Is Earth and all life just one big YouTube Video that someone, something is watching somewhere? 25. What'd you say? Where are you dude?
26. Why would I ever drink a Tito's and Mountain Dew? 27. Is this the line for the men's room, or the line to kill Guy Fieri without consequences? 28. Is this the line for the men's room, or the line to win all the bacon that exists on Earth? 29. Is this the line for the Doritos Locos tacos? 30. Did you just Instagram the urinal? 31. Are we seriously giving massages at concerts? 32. Why are you calling security when I ask for more Doritos Locos tacos? 33. Did I "Feed the Beat," Taco Bell?!?! Well, DID I??? 34. Sir, did you fart? 35. If I ceremonially throw my aviator sunglasses into Lady Bird lake, at the same time as the bats fly out of the Congress bridge, will I live forever? 36. Was that the dude from Girls? 37. Was that the dude from Friday Night Lights? 38. Was that my mom? 39. Why is the pedicab driver cursing while biking a couple that's kissing? 40. Am I a douchebag in the wild? 41. Why aren't there pedicabs that cook hot dogs as you ride? 42. Why aren't there pedicabs in Dallas? 43. What Would Cameron Crowe Do? 44. What Would Stevie Ray Vaughn Do? 45. Seriously, is that the dude from Girls? 46. Can I use the "privacy please" thing on my hotel as a necklace so people won't talk to me? 47. Can I create my own day-party with an iPad, a bag of Ruffles, and a few dancing hula-hoopers? 48. Pizza or gyros? 49. If a food truck line winds around and goes into a Starbucks, will Earth explode? 50. If I tweet #jackedup three times at the Doritos Jacked stage, will a portal to hell open?
See also: -The 50 Commandments of SXSW -What You're Missing at SXSW: Missed Connections and Crappy Free Crap -The Five Biggest Sellouts at SXSW
