As I write this, no one in the world knows where Edward Snowden, leaker of all the secrets he could get his grubby hands on, is located. While the irony of the US government having a total lack of information on this subject cannot be lost on anyone, I would like to use this platform to suggest to the United States government that Snowden is simply just following in the hallowed footsteps of another freedom fighter, Rihanna.

How are Edward Snowden and Rihanna the same, I hear you cry? Well, one of these two megastars confused the world's media with an international tour that resulted in journalistic fury, delays, wasted time, intrigue, and barely anything that the journalists could write about beyond "what the fuck is going on?" only with fancier words. The other one is Edward Snowden.

Bear with me.