Five Other Names For Toby Keith's New Bar & Grill

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What was predicted last year in Unfair Park has come true. Country star Toby Keith is bringing his chain-wreck to Dallas. Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill opens May 15, and they're hiring.

Yes, Toby Keith's I Love This Bar & Grill. Google maps says it will be located on Technology Blvd., which intersects with Justice Way, which feels like the punchline to a joke I'm not quite getting yet. In addition to delicacies like fried bologna, Freedom Fries, and Miller Lite, there will be live music at TKILTB&G, which will run through next weekend.

But Tobes, man. The name's too long and unwieldy. Obviously you love the bar and grill you just opened, or you wouldn't have done so. Here are a few suggestions for different names, just in case you want to change it before opening.

Boobs, Meat and Guns I'm sure Keith's read Guns, Germs, and Steel, Jared Diamond's 1997 socio-geographical examination of Eurasian culture, but probably doesn't want to seem too bookish. This is a more fitting tribute, and puts all the finest features up front. Like, right in your face.

Toby Keith's Horse and Person Restaurant Horse and Person sounds like some trendy Uptown bar with craft beer, doesn't it? This will get that crowd over to Keith's place, and then the social experiment begins!

Statue of Liberty, Soaring Eagle and Jesus' Real American Bar & Grill Jesus greets and seats you. Surprise! It's actually Jimmy Buffett. He's going to do an impromptu set. Actually, he'll be there all week.

Less Talk More Bacon Who doesn't love bacon? If you do not love bacon, you will be publicly pelted with empty Red Solo cups and old Dixie Chicks merchandise.

The Angry American It can function as the "water cooler" or "sounding board" for the patriotically angry Toby Keith fan. Tenderized your own slab of meat by hand! Tell a real, live IRS employee to suck it! Test drive a 2013 Ford F-150!

Any other suggestions?

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