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Here's What a Six-Year-Old With a Snow Day Wants to Watch on YouTube

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"Gummy Bear Song"

This shit right here:

That's what it feels like.

Scorpion Fatalities

The boys are heavy into Mortal Kombat right now, which is weird because they've only ever played it twice. Still, this is one diversion from music that I don't mind because when I was little (and even today, really) I fucking LOVED Mortal Kombat. When we watched this one, my son said, "Daddy, why does Scorpion like to set everyone on fire? And who do you think would win in a fight: Scorpion of LeBron James?" That kid is a goddamn genius, yo.

Crocodile River

Okay, one other video that I don't mind. The boys and I have seen this one maybe 20 times in the last year. It's legit incredible. The best line: When the guy refers to the crocodiles as "Hidden death beneath the surface." That's just a rock hard thing to say. I wish people would say things like that about me. Mostly they say things like "Fuck, I hate that guy so much." :(

P.S. For the most startling part, click ahead to 1:39. That's three seconds before the first adorable little fellow gets torpedoed by a crocodile. It's mania all after that.

"I Like To Move It," King Julian from Madagascar

MOTHER FUCKING DANCE PARTY JAJAJAJAJA TURN THE FUCK UP

See also: -The Top Ten All Time Best Replacement Lead Singers in Rock and Roll -Songs That Have Hidden Messages When Played in Reverse -The Ten Best Music Videos Banned by MTV

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Shea Serrano

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